Taking a moment of silence

for having finished my longest (2 years) and most challenging job of my life. Also the job where I experienced the most professional and personal growth. I'm glad I did it and I'm glad it's over.

Riding from the North

I took an express bus to a road in north Tucson called, "Sunrise." The temperature was supposed to reach its zenith of an estimated 109 by the time I finished work, so I opted for a $2 bus fare instead of cycling across town and up hills. The express stops two miles north of my destination, but riding downhill for two miles beats riding uphill in 100+ degree weather.

As the bus climbed the road leading into the foothills, I watched the sunlight enhance every plunge and profile of the terrain around me. I actually felt anticipation. I'd ridden this path in a car before and I enjoyed it. However, I've never ridden it on a bike, where there is no barrier between you and everything you see.

The ride down was awesome. There was no stopping and almost no pedaling, because the hill let me accelerate the whole way. I could see over Tucson, a low city mostly hidden by light green trees and shrubs. The mountains glowed orange and red-brown in the distance, as the sun moved toward the western horizon. I continued to go faster and faster and hoped the two miles wouldn't end quickly. Being within two different speeds - the fast pace of everything blurring around you and the slowly approaching horizon in the distance - magnifies your senses. There is no glass to interrupt your sense of smell, touch, sight, and sound; and less stability on a bike puts your mind in potential "danger" status...all making you increasingly aware and increasingly present. The northern part of town is already beautiful, but the experience is even greater when you travel like this, unenclosed.

There are times when I really dislike Tucson. The pace is slow, the culture lacks sophistication, the city is too flat and too hot, the population is old, there isn't enough to do, everything is spread out and the transit system cannot make up for it. However, experiences like these let me see its hidden beauty. It can't convince me to stay forever, but it does make me glad I'm here.

When I was hired

I almost cried. I had been living paycheck to paycheck, scrutinizing the cost of every food or hygiene item or article of clothing I bought (I only bought clothes if I desperately needed them). When I got a job at the U of A, one of the most coveted employers in the city, I felt a rush of exhilaration and relief. I called and texted all the people rooting for me and we exclaimed and laughed together. I would have benefits again - I could visit the doctor with minimal costs, go to the dentist, get paid time off, afford to live on my own, not worry about feeding myself, etc. I don't remember if I actually fell to my knees that day, but I know they felt weakened to do so several times. I thanked God as though He had given me a free pass to Heaven.

I promise I haven't abandoned you

I realize I haven't written since March. So much has changed. I was under stress from applying for work, quitting/reducing hours from another job, and then working, working, working. Since April 14th, I've been working literally every day except for 1) a four-day vacation home for Christine's college graduation and 2) Memorial Day. Otherwise, I work every day for 8 hours Monday-Friday and 9 hours Saturday-Sunday. Do I enjoy the paychecks? Yes...except when I forget to enjoy them because I'm exhausted. My candle is burning at both ends, and I'm hoping to make it to the end before I burn out.

Right now, I work at the University of Arizona and the massage business. When I first told the owner of the massage biz that I was leaving, it was dramatic. She was hoping I would manage it. However, the day after our meeting, I received an offer from the university and I accepted in a heart beat. Plus, the managing position - I'm going to be honest - was an over-worked and under-paid job. I get more as an administrative assistant plus benefits at the university (which is what I've been wanting and aching for for so long). 

The tricky thing about my situation was that I was hired for a part-time job at the U of A, so I needed to keep my part-time job at the massage company on the weekends. However, my first day at U of A, they wanted to start me off at full-time hours for a month or two. That's how I found myself in a position working two jobs seven days a week. When I told my boss I wanted to reduce my hours instead of become a manager, she was upset/shocked. However, after a day or two she was fine. When the U finally made me an official full-time employee, I gave a month's notice to resign (last day is June 22...can't come soon enough!). She said she saw it coming and was cool with it. I enjoy the massage business when I only work there two days a week - I get to see my friends and some of my favorite clients, and it's pretty low-key. However, I desperately need a break...before I break. It will be sad to leave, nonetheless.

Right now, my daily life consists of 1) work, 2) the option of buying food, cooking food, or some other errand, 3) eating, 4) preparing for next day, and 5) sleeping. On weekends, I don't leave my house when I come home from work unless it's an emergency. Or I'm going out and someone can give me a ride. I have no energy to write anymore, even though there is so much in my life to write about. I may write another post or two tonight, but after that it might not be until after June 22. I hope by then, I'll have more energy.