The theme of my last yoga class was "create." The two instructors - MiLo and Ellen - emphasized the idea that the shapes you create through yoga are works of art.
"Sometimes when I'm working on a painting, I start with making a mess,"MiLo said. "Splatter paint everywhere and get your ideas and energy out there...then you can begin to shape it into something." This is how they wanted us to approach difficult poses: "make a mess" of a pose and then work through it in order to create.
I immediately thought of life, and how - for some of us - we need to make a mess first in order to figure it all out. We need to put ourselves out there and take a risk, "splatter the paint," and do something crazy/stupid/weird so that we can work through it...so that we can understand...and create a life.
I like to think of myself as a solo flyer, unattached to anyone and anything. "I don't need any strings!" I declare. "I'll make it on my own!"
Right. That's probably the biggest myth I've ever told myself. Ambition, dedication, and dreams only have so much energy when you're alone, which I discovered firsthand.
When I came to Tucson, I was ambitious for the first two months. I was ready to dive into dance lessons, find work to support myself, and hopefully find a partner. However, once I discovered that international style didn't really exist here, I felt very isolated from the dance community. It was like wanting to speak your native language in a foreign country, but no one could understand you and you couldn't understand them. I couldn't understand American style nor this lack of competitiveness...and I didn't want to. I continued to practice on my own after two lessons and a couple social dances, but it all fell away. I didn't know what to do with myself after a while and I felt very confused. I realized that even with a coach, I needed a community and at the very least, a partner.
I came to yoga because of the awesome teachers and students. They encouraged and inspired me. This was a driving reason for me to join and practice. While I still enjoy dancing more than yoga, yoga has given me something that dancing couldn't and because I've stayed with it, I think that says something about what a group of people can offer you.
Having experienced two types of communities here, this is what I've learned:
Community...
Allows you to utilize many of your talents in one setting. If you're a dancer, you can also be a photographer, a teacher, a clothing designer, a businessman, etc. People will ask you to perform other roles and use your other talents.
Lets you put forth energy and make life worth living. When we can give back, we feel complete. A community lets us absorb and give at the same time.
Lets you develop yourself. We need feedback to improve ourselves in whatever we do. A community offers competition because everyone is at a different level. Seeing yourself in the spectrum lets you improve: you always find something you to work toward.
Gives you an anchor. In order to really grow and change, we need a place to provide stability. A room will stay bare if people come and go frequently (change). Once someone settles (stability), you begin to see decorations, photos, and furniture. You see a home.
Finally, in her book, My Body Is A Temple, Yoga teacher Christina Sell used her teacher's analogy of a soup when talking about community:
"We have our unique attributes and characteristics, but our true purpose is not realized until those attributes are dedicated to the whole; until we didicate our own uniqueness to 'making the soup fantastic.'"
Therefore,
It's not until we dedicate ourselves to the whole that we can realize our full potential. Without a community, you cannot grow. If I've learned anything while being in Tucson, it is this.
When I made the decision to attend a yoga intensive, I felt
A) Really good about going, and
B) My interest in tango had slipped away
...and I didn't mind at all.
I thought that when something went away, it would make you sad. However, I saw that when you work toward a goal, other things fall away and they no longer matter as much to you anymore. My new goal was to teach yoga. It inspired me and I wanted to pass that inspiration on to other people. Tango, therefore, was pushed aside.
"If you are depressed you are living in the past. If you are anxious you are living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the present." Lao Tzu
This is a great quote and - in my opinion - very accurate. Unfortunately, I feel like I often live in the future these days; I don't know how to only look to it.
Yoga continues to surprise me in how much of a workout it is. Last weekend I went to a two-hour class with a guest teacher. I walked out feeling like I had been to a two-hour lifting session, and I spent the entire next day recovering. I registered for a yoga "intensive" in June: six hours of yoga/day for five days. After that one class, I decided to work on building my stamina. Now that all my classes are completely free (thanks to work-exchange), I've started taking the more advanced sessions 3-4 times per week (all 1.5 hrs long). Not to mention that I bike there and back (30-40 minutes).
I have heard that it is important to define one's goals in order to be successful. I agree with this advice, but until recently, it used to frustrate me incredibly. Here I was trying to figure out a life path and I felt like people were saying, "Define your goals! Define your goals! It's the only way! You're a loser if your goals aren't cut and dry!" I felt like a loser and I felt confused.
Defining Isn't So Easy in A Muddled Reality
I find that people like to compartmentalize. We like to draw nice clean lines with bullet points that outline our thoughts exactly. Ah, Clarity. However, reality is not so clean-cut. It bends. It changes our minds, closes doors, opens windows, and gives us new insights and desires. It causes us confusion and makes us reevaluate the things we used to find important. When I'm in the middle of a time of change, how am I supposed to clearly define my goals? I feel successful if I wake up and have a clue about what I'm going to do that day. This is where I must add a step prior to the "defined goals = success" mantra.
Don't Define For Once...Just Go With the Flow
It seems lazy, unproductive, and un-American to "go with the flow," but I think it's the best thing a person can do in order to define goals. I often feel a cultural pressure to do something all the time: be active! Make something of yourself! Take the reins into your own hands! Don't wait! Go get what you want RIGHT NOW! Yet for those of us who are trying to figure things out, further pressure to be in control, articulate ourselves, and accomplish something can be stressful...and counterproductive. I felt like I was spinning my wheels and wearing myself out with that mentality, not to mention feeling like a failure most of the time.
So how is "go with the flow" beneficial exactly?
Definition is a Process
The way you spend your time reveals your values and strengths. A person will gravitate toward activities that interest and hold meaning for her. She will probably be very good at them, too. As she engages in these activities, she will find opportunities and these will help define where she will go and what she will do.
Case in Point: Me
My life was not going well for several weeks: I didn't like working at the sushi restaurant, and it drained me of energy to do other things. I was also depressed because I couldn't/wouldn't fit into the American-style dance community of social dancers. Wanting to take care of myself physically - and get out of my room - I turned increasingly to yoga. Consequently, the teachers I met at the studios in town inspired me and the practice gave me an affordable way to exercise and push myself ($4/class). It also gave me hope and encouragement. As a result, I went more often and attended a greater variety of classes. I also started reading more about the philosophy and mental practice. Now after a few months, I'm meeting more people and receiving more opportunities to be involved with the yoga studio. Doors are opening like crazy!
Therefore...
When I didn't have any goals and didn't know what to do with myself, I found a path...because I did what I liked. I went with the flow and didn't force anything. I just acted. If I could give advice to anyone on figuring their life out, I would tell them to do what they like with what their resources (time, money, and creative ingenuity) allow. The things you gladly do in your free time will most likely be your "happy life" building blocks and will lead to greater opportunities. No need to "define" right now and no outlines are required.
Tucson is under mass construction downtown for a trolley car. This is an event that seems like it's out of the t.v. show Gilmore Girls. The city is putting a trolley car in for the sake of making it quaint and historical. However, no one seems to see the point of it and everyone is frustrated by the construction. The shops on 4th Avenue have all banded together and created a discount card for people to use - they're afraid the construction will slash their business revenues. I find it funny how something so cute is making everyone so irritated.
Chess Fest
A few weekends ago, I attended the annual chess fest in Tucson. It was an event mainly for kids, but all were welcome. It took place downtown at the Hotel Congress. Everyone was playing pick-up games, from small children to the older adults. The event was all about empowerment through chess. Former world chess champion Alexandra Kosteniuk attended and played games with forty players. She wrote a book (see photo below) entitled Play Like A Girl, in which she wrote about becoming a chess champion at the age of fourteen and encouraged girls to take up chess. I was impressed. 9 Queens, the local chess nonprofit, presented her with an award for being an inspirational role model.
Cinderella Ballet
One of my friends from the sushi restaurant - Lisa - is a ballerina for the Ballet Tucson company. I had an opportunity to see her dance in Cinderella, and she was beautiful. She had several solos, which impressed me - I didn't know she was so good! Unfortunately, I wasn't able to say hi to her afterward (ballet dancers don't meet the crowd afterward, I guess), but I managed to talk to her later. She was excited that I had come and was sorry she missed me, too.
Hanging Out with Megan
Megan and I met at the hostel when she was a guest here. She's been housing-sitting in Tucson for the past few months and we finally took some time to hang out together. Our outing included a trip to the the University of Arizona Museum of Art and a stop at the eatery WILKO. A cool thing about our day - aside from spending time together :-D - was that we found $20 when we left the museum! So our dining and parking were paid for. Pretty amazing. Megan is heading up the California coast next and then making her way back east for school (she's studying linguistics). I wish her the best!!!
I went to a tango lesson and Milonga (dance) at my teachers' home one weekend. I was impressed at how they had a dance floor and a sound system in their home!
It was obvious they loved tango, because posters of tango events and festivals covered the walls. They also had a small portrait painted of them dancing together. I managed to take a few photos that you can see below.
The event was like a social dance & wine and cheese party in one. Apparently they do this every week.
I met a woman named Gabriela while I was there. She's a young woman who left her teaching job, went to Argentina, and ended up falling in love with tango. Now she's a teacher and an author, traveling around promoting her book, giving lessons, and speaking about tango connection. Gabi came by the Milonga to promote her book (she's friends with the teachers) and enjoy some tango. I picked up a copy of her work and paged through the entries. Gabi is very new to dancing and teaching (only a few years), but her insights are right on. She really understands the essence of dancing and the importance of connection - emphasizing it first, rather than the steps. I bought a copy and I've enjoyed picking it up every few days or so to read her thoughts. It's a beautiful mix of insightful knowledge and poetry, and I find her quite inspiring. Check out the short video below about her dancing and writing, and if you feel so inclined, buy a book - you'll probably fall in love with tango, too.
I do work exchange at two studios now: Yoga Flow and Yoga Oasis. I've posted a little about Yoga Oasis, but not much about Yoga Flow. It's several blocks north of downtown (about a forty-minute bike ride) and I usually attend class on Tuesday or Thursday for Hatha and the occasional Sunday for Ashtanga.
The studio has classes in the Tucson Creative Dance Center.
On the show Boy Meets World, Shawn took a shower to get his mind off of a girl and claimed that he "used up all the cold water." I asked one of my parents if it was possible to use up all the cold water and they said it wasn't. However, the other day, I stood at the sink for several seconds (probably 20-30) waiting for the water to cool off from room temperature. When it wasn't getting colder quickly enough, I decided to put ice in my cup instead. It occurred to me that "using up the cold water" could possibly happen in Arizona.
Last Sunday, I heard two beautiful quotes, the first one at Mass and the other at yoga.
1) Father talked about Bible verse John 15 during his homily:
“I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener.He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful."
To me, this verse says we all have many talents and abilities, but only those that will do the greatest good will become the strongest. I think of the "pruning" as a team effort between God and I: I get to choose what I like best and he'll shape my life so that I don't spend time and energy on the useless "branches."
2) Then, At Yoga Oasis, the teacher quoted Saint Terese of Liseaux:
“May today there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly
where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities
that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts
that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.
May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this
knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to
sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us."
Hearing this quote right after the first one really brought a sense of calm to my soul. It made me realize that in our lives, we have what we need and it is enough to achieve our own greatness. This sequence of events only confirms in my mind that God and yoga are both great things...and a powerful combination :).
I love it when parents visit because they drive me places. I'm all about being car-less, but I admit that it's nice to jump in a vehicle and get to a destination in a few minutes. It's also nice to see the rest of Tucson or Arizona when I can. Tucson is really a beautiful city around its perimeter. The deserts and state parks are near beautiful adobe homes with their trim yards, citrus trees, and cacti. It's a nice change from looking at the city bus station and run-down buildings.
My mom and I managed to cram in several activities during the three days she was here. I put the highlights up below.
Day 1
I met Mom at the airport and we went out for lunch to El Charro's Cafe. I went to an El Charro's restaurant with my dad when he was here, but the experience this time was much different. El Charro's Cafe downtown is like eating in a wealthy Mexican home. Large paintings adorn the walls; decorative clothing, jewelry, and pottery are displayed on antique-looking furniture; and black-and-white family photos can be found in various rooms. We ordered fish tacos - which are the best I've ever tasted - and after a brief walk-around, I decided that it was my favorite restaurant.
Of course Mom wanted to see a yarn shop while she was in Tucson, so we next went to Grandma's Knitting Shop. I let Mom wander around - she was the expert.
Day 2
The original reason Mom was coming to Tucson was because the Duathalon (run-bike-run) National Championships were being held here. While she decided not to compete afterall and spend the time with me instead, we did stop by the race expo. It was held at the Hilton El Conquistador Hotel, and this place was incredibly impressive-looking. I had a hard time choosing photos for this post.
That would be iced lemon-lime water above. I definitely filled my waterbottle with it. Zero shame.
Day 3
We visited the Mission of San Xavier del Bac. It's a traditional, beautiful church and school in the middle of the desert, and it's white structure is almost blinding in the sun. My photos for this are on my other camera. Don't despair, though, I only had a couple. You can check out what it looks like here: http://www.sanxaviermission.org/
We also went to Tubac, a small artsy village to the south of Tucson. Unfortunately, it was more of a tourist village than a legitimate village. They had some neat shops, though, full of beautiful paintings, regional clothing, and jewelry made by the state's native tribes. One shop had gourd artwork, which impressed me incredibly. I included some photos below (not sure if photography was allowed, but these pieces were truly amazing).
The black between the circles in the gourd on the left isn't paint - pieces of the gourd had been carved out. Same thing with gourd (left) in the second photo.
Mom also found a pottery shop where she bought a mug. I wasn't too enthusiastic about the place until she said, "I think this mug looks like me." I made a game out of it and searched for a mug that looked like me. I found a couple :)
Mom decided this one looked like her:
We finished the day with evening Mass at the cathedral and a walk around the university campus in the evening; it was a great way to wind everything down. I was impressed with how we managed to pack so much into three days!
Thanks for coming, Mom, I enjoyed your visit very much :)
I've never really talked about the yoga in my Sonoran Life and I think it's time to do so.
It began as a way for me to get some exercise cheaply. It had been months since I'd been to a gym and I wasn't dancing. I also had a job I didn't like (working at the restaurant) and I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. These two things turned me to depression and I had no inclination to get out and walk around. I was feeling sick with myself one day and just decided to take a yoga class. I tried out a studio downtown at the recommendation of a coworker and ended up loving it.
The studio is Yoga Oasis. They teach mainly Anusara style, which someone described as "yoga on prozac" (not far from the truth). Apart from lifting my mood, though, the teachers inspire me and the classes are creative. Depending on whose classes you go to, you receive short lessons in philosophy (with an intense workout), laugh at witty remarks, or listen to club/dance music - like the music below. Sometimes all of the above.
Aside from it's modern approach, yoga at Oasis has shaped into a study for me. I find myself examining it's principles like I did dance: I tend to focus on alignment and figuring out how certain positions tap into different sources of physical power. I set a goal to try every teacher during the month of April in the studios I attend. I didn't reach it, but it was because I found some teachers that I really liked and I kept going back to their classes.
In searching out more yoga instructors, I found another studio further north. This one offered a work-exchange program. I essentially volunteer for a few hours and get unlimited yoga classes. The thing is, though, I only attend once a week (maybe twice) because it's so far away. The style also isn't as interesting to me; it's much more traditional and we do yoga without music. The teachers are nonetheless very good and two of them are ones that travel around the country to teach. I didn't realize this, but Tucson has incredibly reputable teachers in the area. Go figure.
I don't know if I love-love yoga, like I loved ballroom and latin, but it's becoming an influential life practice for me nonetheless. It takes grace, strength, and perseverence to perform it well; and as I push myself to attain those qualities, it teaches me unforgettable life lessons, many of which I plan to share here (get excited!).
Our coworker Thomas left at the end of April. His Canadian humor had found it's way into everyone's hearts and it was a sad day when he was no longer around. To send him off, I made him a cake and we celebrated with several guests and staff members. I also decided to dedicate a post to Thomas, documenting the famous cake and some of his quotable moments.
This was the double-decker chocolate pudding cake I made for Thomas. Two containers of white frosting all around and in the middle.
Here he is that morning, sporting the tossled hair look. The coffee at hand was a staple for him. It's only unfortunate it wasn't a Tim Hortons.
I think he liked it - lol.
The Aftermath.
*****
Some Ottowa Canadian thoughts on hockey and the Quebecois:
*****
Favorite Thomas Veenstra Quotes and Moments
He's so cool, people ask if he's for real. I assure you, he is.
The unforgettable introduction:
Amy: "What brings you to the hostel?"
Thomas: "I'm here to watch the cactuses bloom."
On his high-top Doc Martens:"Yep. Guys want to be the boots and girls want to date the boots."
Amy: "Got any plans for today, Thomas?"
Thomas: "I'm going to tan my chest and then polish my boots."
Jimmy: "Did you know he swept the sidewalk? While he wasn't on shift and without being asked?"
Amy: "He did that twice today."
Thomas: "You know I love pasta. It's my favorite lunch...and my favorite dinner."
Amy: "And your favorite breakfast, too."
Thomas: "You know me so well."
A glimpse of a Thomas house tour: "I'd use that bathroom instead of the other one, because the toilet flushes better."
"I'm everything that people sometimes think about."
On being the driver for Todd's getaway trailer: "I'd man it with the skill of a wingless butterfly...which probably wouldn't be very good."
About a yoga class I just returned from...
Amy: "We did some weird twists."
Thomas: "Spinal twists and girations?"
Amy: "I don't know about the girations..."
Thomas: "I must have been at the wrong yoga studio then..."
"I think Amy should wear her doc martens. It would help leave the best impression on my opinions of everybody...if they all dressed in period clothing, you know? Periodic clothing. Of this period...today."
Thomas: "I don't get what these dudes see in my body."
Amy: "Me either. Wait - yes I do."
Thomas: "It's my stallion legs that does it."
Amy: "- and then I see the boots."
"You don't know what comes over you."
"I'm done!"
"You wake up two hours later - "
"- and I don't know what happened!"
"You only remember the boots."
Thomas and the famous Docs:
*****
He never did see the cacti bloom, but he didn't sound too disappointed about it. I think he had many other adventures that turned out to be much better in the end.
