The Missing Step Before "Define Your Goals"

I have heard that it is important to define one's goals in order to be successful. I agree with this advice, but until recently, it used to frustrate me incredibly. Here I was trying to figure out a life path and I felt like people were saying, "Define your goals! Define your goals! It's the only way! You're a loser if your goals aren't cut and dry!" I felt like a loser and I felt confused.

Defining Isn't So Easy in A Muddled Reality

I find that people like to compartmentalize. We like to draw nice clean lines with bullet points that outline our thoughts exactly. Ah, Clarity. However, reality is not so clean-cut. It bends. It changes our minds, closes doors, opens windows, and gives us new insights and desires. It causes us confusion and makes us reevaluate the things we used to find important. When I'm in the middle of a time of change, how am I supposed to clearly define my goals? I feel successful if I wake up and have a clue about what I'm going to do that day. This is where I must add a step prior to the "defined goals = success" mantra.

Don't Define For Once...Just Go With the Flow

It seems lazy, unproductive, and un-American to "go with the flow," but I think it's the best thing a person can do in order to define goals. I often feel a cultural pressure to do something all the time: be active! Make something of yourself! Take the reins into your own hands! Don't wait! Go get what you want RIGHT NOW! Yet for those of us who are trying to figure things out, further pressure to be in control, articulate ourselves, and accomplish something can be stressful...and counterproductive. I felt like I was spinning my wheels and wearing myself out with that mentality, not to mention feeling like a failure most of the time.

So how is "go with the flow" beneficial exactly?

Definition is a Process

The way you spend your time reveals your values and strengths. A person will gravitate toward activities that interest and hold meaning for her. She will probably be very good at them, too. As she engages in these activities, she will find opportunities and these will help define where she will go and what she will do.

Case in Point: Me

My life was not going well for several weeks: I didn't like working at the sushi restaurant, and it drained me of energy to do other things. I was also depressed because I couldn't/wouldn't fit into the American-style dance community of social dancers. Wanting to take care of myself physically - and get out of my room - I turned increasingly to yoga. Consequently, the teachers I met at the studios in town inspired me and the practice gave me an affordable way to exercise and push myself ($4/class). It also gave me hope and encouragement. As a result, I went more often and attended a greater variety of classes. I also started reading more about the philosophy and mental practice. Now after a few months, I'm meeting more people and receiving more opportunities to be involved with the yoga studio. Doors are opening like crazy!  

Therefore...

When I didn't have any goals and didn't know what to do with myself, I found a path...because I did what I liked. I went with the flow and didn't force anything. I just acted. If I could give advice to anyone on figuring their life out, I would tell them to do what they like with what their resources (time, money, and creative ingenuity) allow. The things you gladly do in your free time will most likely be your "happy life" building blocks and will lead to greater opportunities. No need to "define" right now and no outlines are required.