Buying a Latin Dress - Part 3

A waited a few days after my last post to think about my options and see if I heard from anyone else. The woman from Portugal didn't respond and I didn't want to chase her. If it took her days to respond to an email, I could imagine the whole process would be like pulling teeth.

I asked Lena in England more questions about costs and fabrics. It was possible for her to make me something less expensive than Marina in NY, but if the pound jumped up and then if I added shipping costs on top of labor and materials, it could come out about the same. However, I decided to go with her anyway. I didn't contact the woman in Utah again. I didn't want another conversation of me saying, "I'm sorry, I'm not interested," and then having her send me ten text messages about why I need to have one of her dresses for X amount off..."such a great deal!" No thanks. Lena was open about all costs of the project (labor & materials) and Marina offered me different price options to choose from. Neither of them pressured me into anything...probably because they have some regular work? I'm not sure. I sent Marina an email thanking her, saying I chose a different route this time, but would like to keep her in mind for the future. She was very cheerful: "Thank you! No problem! :)" And that was it. Perfect.

One important lesson I learned while doing this is that just because you have a beginning design, it doesn't mean you will end up with it. Lena and I went back and forth on design. I kept asking questions and changing my mind, while she sent me photos of other work she's done that resembled my ideas. Here's one example: I wanted a fringe dress and when I sent her a photo, she expressed doubts that it would work, because fringe is heavy and it probably wouldn't hold up the way the picture showed. I knew she was right...the old fringe dress I had was heavy. So I searched and searched for other dress ideas. I would send her something else and we would talk about it. She would send me more photos and I would take a few days to think about her ideas.  I was so tired of making decisions. I was ready to pay whatever to have her decide and be done with it. Then I finally found something I could be happy with. It was basic, but classy and it had the potential for several different stone designs. I sent it to Lena and she said she could make it.

Mariana from Portugal finally emailed me back and said she would send me sketches. I wrote to her saying, "Thanks for getting back to me, but because I wasn't sure I'd hear from you, I went with someone else." She was disappointed but understood. I guess she had some shipments come in that were keeping her busy. However, if you don't respond to customers and at least let them know you are busy, they *will* move on. Back to my dress...

Lena chatted with Ibrahim and me on Skype yesterday. We had a tape measure and Ibrahim performed all the measurements in front of the computer so she could see. The conversation was mostly between her and Ibrahim, but sometimes me as well...a hodgepodge of English and Russian. It turns out I was almost the exact size as Lena's daughter, so she could use her mannequin and Sasha as a model. Lena asked about stoning and I told her I needed more time; I had no idea. She said I had about four weeks to think about it. Good enough. When we hung up, I was incredibly relieved. The dress was mostly out of my hands now.

Sushi with Ron

After one of our practices this week, we went out for sushi for dinner. Our first restaurant choice was closed, so we ventured to another. After we sat down and ordered, we saw one of the local coaches, Ron Montez, come in. For those of you who haven't heard of Ron Montez, here's a brief description of his dancing accomplishments:

Ron Montez is one of the most respected personalities in the dance business. He previously held title as the 7-time undefeated United States Professional Latin Champion. He achieved 4th place in the World’s Professional Latin Championships held at Royal Albert Hall in London. He has reached the final of the prestigious British Championships in Blackpool, England. Ron is recognized as a World class adjudicator, dance coach and choreographer in both American and International styles.

He's also had TV gigs, organizes competitions around the country, and he's received the United States Dance Championships Hall of Fame Award. So he's kind of a big deal. 

We saw him sit down by himself at a table. Ibrahim thought about inviting him to sit with us. Normally, we would have been too intimidated to ask, but I think the fact that Ron was sitting by himself and that he had recently lost his young son, we thought maybe he would like some company. Ibrahim got up and asked him to join us and then went to the restroom to wash his hands. Ron came over and sat with me and while I was glad to have him, I suddenly realized I didn't know what to say. I couldn't ask a man whose son died about a month ago how things were going. We talked a bit about sushi and I hoped Ibrahim would come back quickly.

I didn't have to spend too much time by myself, and Ibrahim was good at keeping the conversation going. I felt like we had one of those rare opportunities to get insight from a dance legend, but I didn't know what to ask. 

Ron shared a little bit of dance history with us and it was clear that he had some strong opinions about Latin dancing. Even though he was a champion several times, he repeatedly said that the British (the ones who created the ballroom style) didn't get it. As he put it, they took dancing that developed in the Americas, standardized it, and then they took it back to the Americas (and the rest of Europe). Ron also didn't like jive. It was "boring" and too technical. There wasn't anything interesting about it for him...it didn't move him. Ibrahim and I realized and discussed later that Ron was more of an artistic, feeling kind of dancer. He danced in a technically conscious way, but he seemed to place more emphasis on creativity of movement. He really liked other variations of swing...east coast, west coast, jitterbug. Jive, not so much. 

"An adult woman jumping around, spreading her legs, and doing kicks in these sleek dresses looks ridiculous. Walter Laird (the father of latin dancing) even said, 'jive is for kids!' It's a kids' dance." 

Mostly, though, I was under the impression that Ron thought the British created a version of dance akin to Frankenstein's Monster: it sort of resembled the real thing, but it was a perverted version and probably somewhat offensive to the cultures from which the dances originated. I don't disagree...I've heard several times that the British saw latin dancing and then made something up that had a latin idea. 

Over time, latin dancers have incorporated more of the original movement of the dances into latin, and I think the progression toward authenticity will continue as dancers look for new choreography. 

Opinions like Ron's, though, put a developing dancer in a conflicting situation. When I first started dancing, I didn't particularly care for latin. I wasn't interested in how it looked or felt. However, after dancing it and seeing it over and over, I became used to it and started to enjoy it. Now, I'm trying to learn the style and fit into its standards so I can compete and do well in competition. Then I'm told things like, it isn't natural or it isn't authentic. It makes me question what I'm really trying to do...if these statements are true, am I really trying to be a good dancer? Or am I trying to fit into an artificial system of standards? I also had a half-formulated question I wanted to ask but couldn't find the right words at the time: how did he value ballroom and latin dancing? It's a world in which he lives and works...it is his whole world, essentially, and yet he seems to think part of it artificial. 

Of course, I couldn't quite frame the question at the time, so it went unasked. I may never get a chance to ask again as we found out Ron is moving to Phoenix next month. Not that we'll never see him again, but a chance for dinner is unlikely. 

Anyway, Ibrahim and I discussed some of these things afterward. Overall, our experience with Ron was pleasant. He seems like a genuinely nice guy. He has strong opinions about styling and some of the money-driven operations in the dance world, but otherwise he is surprisingly humble and approachable. I'm glad we chatted. Also, who knows...maybe he'll remember us better at competitions when he judges ;).

Dancing: You Can't Feel

I felt both frustrated and humiliated at my last lesson with Maja. There was a touch of despair as well. I asked Maja if she could feel me doing my jobs. She said, “I can feel a whisper of you doing them.” Part of what I struggle with is understanding what I’m supposed to do in the first place. What does practicing my jobs actually look like? She asked me how many times a day I do “ribcage down.” I had to be honest and knew the answer would be pathetic…”probably 20-30.” “I did them about 300 times a day for three months. Then I danced with Benny for three months. Then I finally danced with Glenn for the first time at a competition and we were 8th in the world.”

We also practiced me listening to the lead, which seems to be a big problem as well. I keep guessing which step is coming next. Part of that is because Ibrahim and I know a routine, so my body is conditioned to follow the routine. However, in a competition – and even in a showcase – the routine can fall apart and I have to be ready to go immediately with whatever he gives me. Thinking like that is like having an active, blank brain…I’m thinking furiously and yet not thinking at the same time. Sort of similar to meditation? Actively keeping your brain blank? I kept messing up while we danced, but gradually became better throughout the lesson. Not without some bruising to my ego.

At times throughout the lesson I felt really dumb. Why couldn’t I get things? Why couldn’t I get them quickly enough?
At the end, I thought, I need to see if I can get concrete information about my jobs. So I asked, “Part of my problem, I think, is that I don’t understand what I’m supposed to be feeling…I don’t understand the goal.”
“Have you ever been world champion?” she asked. Is this a trick question? I started to regret mine.

“….No….”

“Then you wouldn’t know what it feels like. Only those who have been world champions would know what it feels like. Also, something may feel one way for me and feel completely different for you. I can't know what you feel, and you can't know what I feel. When I dance, I may feel like I’m upside-down, but I don’t look like I’m upside-down. Only when you reach the top level will you know what it [dancing] feels like.

When I was taking lessons with Benny, he had two hooks outside the door: one for feelings and one for ego. He told me to hang my feelings and ego on the hooks before entering the studio. If I said, “I feel –“ he would point to them and tell me to put my feelings back. When Janet Gleave came in for a lesson –and she had already been amateur world champion twice – she said to Benny, “But I feel…” and he said, “You aren’t qualified to feel!” He was a bit nicer to me and said I didn’t know enough to feel. But you see, even a world champion didn’t know what she was supposed to feel….Benny would tell me all the time to stand up straight, so I stood how I thought was straight. He’d say, “That’s not straight!” and position me so that I felt like my butt was sticking out. “There!” he said. “That’s straight!” This would happen over and over until eventually, when he’d say, “Stand straight,” I’d stick my butt out and he said, “Good!” To me it didn't feel straight. It felt crooked.”

I just looked at her, probably with a perplexed and slightly disheartened expression on my face.

“My suggestion,” she continued, “is to find how you use your jobs in everyday life.” I’ve been thinking about that since our last lesson and I still don’t know! “You’ve done all the actions by the time you’re seven years old, just not those particular ones in that particular order.”

As she was leaving, she said, “The feeling [of dance] is bizarre. It’s so bizarre and chaotic. Learn to embrace the chaos.”

What the heck was I supposed to do with that? Ibrahim and I stayed after to review. The lesson wasn’t entirely philosophical: we went over the basics of Viennese and fleckerels, and I practiced maintaining the “third leg” in tango (making sure one of my legs is always connected to Ibrahim’s). But I felt so confused and frustrated that I couldn’t think. I was bothered for the rest of the night and into the next day.

I texted Ibrahim at work:

A: One of the implied takeaways from yesterday’s lesson is that I essentially need to do my jobs 9000 times [but really 27,000 times] before I can move on to the next thing, or before it’s worth having another lesson. Until I gain a small mastery of them, there is really nothing new to learn in the meantime.

I: I don’t think you should be this disheartened, and I don’t think there’s “nothing to do.” Mastery of these small jobs comes with experience, and it’s quite clear from what Maja was saying that even the top pros don’t quite have it. You gain this mastery by practicing and analyzing all the stuff that we do – well, that’s what we’re gonna do, right? Your jobs are triggered by me when we dance, right, so much of your learning is in reading this kind of information off me.

A: And furthermore, no one knows exactly what me mastering these jobs looks like…so after I finish the 9000 times, how is anyone going to know if I’m on track? That’s what I heard Maja saying…I’m supposed to do something no one knows is actually correct and then when I think I’ve done it, [there’s no one to judge or know] if it’s correct.

I: Well, she got a bit too philosophical over there (that’s what I was a bit afraid of). It’s like Buddhism – “the world doesn’t exist.” “it’s all an illusion,” blah blah. I think if you concentrate on smaller things, e.g., go understand your jobs in specific situations, you will be able to make lots of progress.

A: I don’t even know what to ask her for our next lesson. Go back to working on specific sequences I guess.

I: I guess so. We should dance all the stuff that we can for her and see what input she has. Then have a list of things we want to target ourselves.

A: ok

I: Just don’t be disheartened. Everything is going fine, we’re dancing better every week!

I was trying to think about how I could possibly fit 300 repetitions of my jobs in during the day….unless I completely give up my other practicing. I suppose this is where the “find your jobs in everyday life” comes in…so you don’t have to set aside three hours a day of practice.

The thing about Maja’s teaching is that sometimes it’s explicit…she tells you exactly exactly how you’re supposed to move your leg, turn your hip, direct your hand. Often, however, lessons are theoretical or seemingly vague. With other teachers, they’ll tell you the specific process (turn your hip out and point your toe down the line of dance) or give you visuals that will help you reach an end result. With what Maja tells me, though, I’m supposed to do exercises to figure out what I’m supposed to do in order to reach an end result. I want to say, Can’t you just tell me and show me how this works? Can you give me an approximate feeling so I can try to imagine and imitate it?

All I can do at this point is try to figure it out for myself and hope that after 9000 tries, she’ll tell me I can move onto the next part.

Photography Meeting

I met with Ed the photographer on Saturday. I was a little nervous and not sure of what to expect. However, I knew I wanted to do this, so I was going to make it work regardless. He would have to say something outrageous for me to pass on the opportunity of dance photo shoot. Well, he didn't...and we ended up talking for two and a half hours. We chatted about his life, my life, the photo sessions, business, other clients, and the nature of his work. I liked him because he was real. He didn't try to give me any bs or sell me anything. He just wanted to have a conversation and meet the person who he could potentially work with, no strings attached.

There are many photographers out there, each with their own flavor. However, I see two types of work: one is functional and one gives you an experience. Some people just need the business headshot, a nice family portrait, school photo, or marketing image. That's fine. It's a quick and easy job. But it sacrifices substance. I look for option two: I want to feel emotion when I see a photo. I want to be there and know what the subject knows - the calculation of a leopard, the burning limbs of an athlete, the loneliness of a refugee, the curiosity of a physicist...doesn't matter. I want the photo to live. I've only found two professional photographers in Tucson who can capture this...one is mainly a women's photographer (the subjects tend to be women and their bodies - old, young, pregnant, yogi) and the other is Ed.

One of the amazing things about Ed is that he has a solid business that's sustained mostly by word of mouth, and a little bit of social media. He admits he's not very good at marketing and doesn't quite understand Instagram, even though he uses it. I think his clients are his main form of advertisement: he takes such amazing photos that people love to share them with his name. He's known for his work in dance, but he does a variety of subjects: designer shoes, plastic surgeons, jewelry, and non-dance photo shoots are just a few examples. People go to him because they want something different; not necessarily outrageous, but not cliche. Ed is not a person you go to for predictable, "safe" photos in which you know what you're going to get. You take a little leap of faith with him.

Through our conversation, I realized that Ed is one of those who uses photography not only as an art form, but also as a means of healing. He mentioned his clients who come in and want their photo taken, but they point to his other work and say, "I'm not that flexible/strong" or "I'm only a beginner" or "My body doesn't look like that," etc. He says his goal is not to make them look like professional dancers, just themselves...let their real personalities show. He says that if someone looks at the end result and says, "I didn't know I could do that or look like that!" he's done his job. He gave examples of clients calling him after doing sessions and sharing that their lives have changed. Mainly, they've gained a new sense of self and confidence. Ed wasn't egotistic when he said this, but instead expressed a feeling of joy that he could help people live better with a positive self-image. We spent a little bit of time talking about what I wanted. This is what I told him:

"I have three personas: my public/professional persona, my ballroom persona, and my private persona when I'm alone in a room. (I probably have another one for family and friends, too.) People see my public persona and some people see my dance persona, but I want to bring my private self into the public sphere and let it be seen. This photography experience isn't so much about me looking at a photo and saying, "I didn't know I could do that," but rather, "I knew I could do that...I want everyone else to know it, too."

I have this inner freestyle dancer that's lived inside of me for years that some people have glimpsed, but it has never gotten a chance to be fully in the light. Even in the various dance forms I've done, it's been Amy the Dancer within a structure. I want to do something unstructured, uninhibited, and I want it to be larger than life. I want my emotion to pour out of the pixels. We'll see if that happens! I haven't scheduled a session yet, but it will be sometime this summer.

Photo Shoot

If you remember from my Saturn Return post, I'm in a period of breaking free from constraints and developing my true nature...letting go of what I think I should be and manifesting who I am. Part of that is crossing a big item off my bucket list: doing a dance photo shoot. I've wanted to do this since I was about 14 years old, ever since I saw the New York Ballet exercise book with beautiful images of dancers. Of course, I was not professional dancer material, but I still loved dancing and I wanted to capture it on film; freeze it in time.

Years passed and my body went through various phases. I gained and lost weight, muscle, flab, flexibility, and self-confidence repeatedly. There were times I studied dance, yoga, weight training, and nutrition...and there were times I did nothing. All along the way I was hoping to reach a point when everything would come together, when one day I would have the strength, flexibility, and physique of the dancers I admired...or something close to it.

Well, I don't. I'm approaching 30 years old and I haven't achieved the splits, I don't have well-defined muscles, and I can't do impressive leaps in the air or balancing positions. However, I did find a photographer I like and I have an inner drive to get this done, regardless of my abilities.

So I did it. I called the photographer and we had a very good conversation. We will meet next weekend to look at his gallery, discuss ideas, and break the ice so I can be comfortable. What I want to do will require me to be an inner Amy in front of a camera, which is kind of terrifying. But I want to do it and I'm excited for how it will turn out.

The photographer I'll be working with is Ed Flores. You can find his work here: https://www.instagram.com/edfloresphotography/

Buying a Latin Dress - Part 2

It's a little bit like being on drugs, this dress-buying business. As the responses poured in from designers and seamstresses, Ibrahim and I became excited. They directed us to dancesportinfo.com, their Instagram pages, or sent photos through email. We sent out a packet with my design description, photos, and a sketch to our top contenders.

Our #1 choice then dropped the bomb and said she couldn't do it, one reason being finding the materials I wanted. But she recommended her friend in NY. We were disappointed - she seemed like the best seamstress and probably the least expensive. Nonetheless, we followed up with our other candidates who still maintained interest and sent our ideas to the NY friend. We inquired about prices, fabrics, and stones used. Then we narrowed our choices down to a Russian designer in England, the NY designer, and two more potential Russian designers in Russia. I also sent an inquiry to a woman in Portugal someone recommended.

Sometimes messages come in immediately, giving you a rush of dopamine. But then some of the designers take days to get back to you, which makes me lose confidence in communicating with them. Of the people we've talked to, the prices were nearly comparable to the woman I first started working with in Utah (after she gave me her "deeply discounted" price). I was more willing to work with them over her, however, because they were less pushy and didn't give me any hard sells. I'm still waiting to hear from the Portuguese woman and then I will make my decision. I'm hoping she'll work, but if not, it looks like I'll be forking over about 1k for a dress.