Dancing with Our Stars performance

My long overdue post is finally here. I had three performances and a competition in May and it was a whirlwind of dancing. But it was a lot of fun, too. I felt like I crossed off some big personal goals of mine. Ibrahim and I performed our Iko Iko samba-quickstep routine for two Dancing with the Stars charity events and our studio's showcase. I really enjoy samba, so I was glad to do it.

My favorite performance by far was the Dancing with Our Stars event put on by the Diaper Bank of Southern Arizona. That was the one where we had to raise $2000 to perform. It all came together in a crazy, hectic way, but it did come together and it was awesome. I felt incredibly fulfilled performing in front of a few hundred people, and the physicians with whom I work were among them. Our performance was our best of that dance - technique maybe wasn't top notch, but we didn't mess up choreography or trip. People came up to us afterward (some we knew and some we didn't) and said we did a great job. I felt like my doctors looked at me in a different light and saw the Amy I wanted them to see - the real version of myself. It was a dream.

Here is the link to the show:  https://youtu.be/sEx2Rj1UFxc

Yearly Review: 2017 to 2018

Wow! What a year! As usual, let's look at my goals from last year and compare to what actually happened:

Goals for 2017

1) Front splits and side splits. (Stretch goal) - Nope. This did not happen.
2) Make rondes (RON-days) that are level with my head when I kick them in my routines. Neither did this, but I need to work on it.
3) Semi-final in SOMETHING at NDCA nationals this year. (Stretch goal). We only made it as far as quarter final in novice standard; round three for pre-champ standard and novice latin, and round one for pre-champ latin.
4) Do four dance competitions (big, small, medium, whatever). Yes: People's Choice, Galaxy, Chicago Dancesport Challenge, and Devil Dancesport Invitational.
5) Dance a latin and standard routine that I'm not ashamed to post on facebook/youtube. I think I posted a latin routine from a showcase, but unfortunately, that's the only one I liked. Everything else I've danced has been painful to watch. For standard, I'm more willing to post those videos. I'm also looking forward to more videos, because I think my posture has improved by a few miles since my last competition.
6) Successfully rhinestone a standard and latin dress. Meaning, they don't look bad. Yeah, I think this one was accomplished :).
7) Design a practice dress and sew it. (Stretch goal) Ha. No way. The sewing dream has been left behind. I still have my singer (and I still love it), but I just don't have time to learn to sew. I can give it maybe a few hours on the weekend.
8) Make friends at dance competitions. Yes!!! I've made lots of new friends and it's been SO fun!!

Additional thoughts: I think this is the first year I've had solid goals that I believe are attainable. A few of them are "stretch goals" that may be a little ambitious, but they aren't impossible. My only professional goal this year is to not get fired. I need my job to support my dancing habit. I'm pretty excited about 2017. I'm hoping to be in a place I don't expect (in a good way) by this time next year.

I definitely ended up in a place I didn't expect: engaged!
My professional goal at the UA for this year is to, again, not get fired.

Plans and goals for 2018 and 2019

Ibrahim and I have already been looking ahead. He will be teaching three courses in the fall (max load), so that he can take off for the spring of 2019. A friend/colleague of his in England is organizing some kind of semester-long project. If Ibrahim can get funding, he'll make a few trips over there. If he can't, he'll work from home. He's also hoping to get some of his own research done during that time and publish some papers. So fall 2018 is going to be extremely busy for him and we probably won't be competing much. We'll already have two weddings to attend - one being our own. Also, since he has something going on in England in 2019 anyway, we're planning to compete at Blackpool that year. I am not anticipating anything miraculous, but we want to make our first attempt then. Our goal is to go twice before we're designated to senior division.

2018 Goals

1) Final at Nationals in novice standard, both NDCA and USA Dance. We've already pointed out of novice standard in USA Dance, so we're hoping to final. Either way, we have to move up.

2) Achieve more muscular definition. I've been working out at home and slowly building my home gym (which I love!) I really like all the workout "toys": dumbbells, kettlebells, resistance bands, balls, plyo boxes, etc. I enjoy strength training, especially the kind that involves more intricate coordination (combination moves). However, I feel like I've been working out and I still look like a marshmallow. I'm hoping to change that this year.

3) Perform at a charity/fundraising event. We have various charity events in Tucson and I would like to perform at one of them. A lot of professionals will do performances to get students, but I just want to put on a show! Ibrahim and I are at a level where we look like professionals to the laypeople, so I think we could pull off an entertaining performance :).

4) Get married. This seems like a non-fail goal, but I swear...the planning is so hard for me. Every time I think I have a plan, guest list, venue, date, or schedule, things change. I'm hoping things will come together.

5) Get a professional portrait taken. I would just really like one of these. I've been looking for a photographer who I think would capture the mood/image I want.

6) Make more dance friends. I feel like I can't have enough of these.

Main take-away from 2017 and hope for 2018

The message that stayed with me for half of 2017 was to really appreciate life and put myself out there to meet people. This year - as you know - I knew a young man, Nic, who died two months after we met. I knew him for such a short time and yet he left an unforgettable impression on me. He was so open and friendly; just knowing him made me feel good. After he died, I learned that he was like this with everyone and he shared his love of dance with everyone in his community. He was one of the top amateur dancers in the country and there wasn't a haughty bone in his body. I only met Nic because Ibrahim suggested going out with him and his partner; I was too shy otherwise. I nearly missed an opportunity to be graced by his life. Anyway, since his death, I decided I wanted to be like Nic. I wanted to be as open and friendly. I wanted to express love and happiness more and connect with people. Being isolated makes me unhappy, but I'm not always brave enough to step outside my box - what if people think I'm weird or don't like me? Now, I care less. When I think that my life could be taken from me at any day, I want to take advantage and spread light.

My hope for 2018 is to continue the openness and positivity. Of course, I also hope that everyone in my life stays healthy and no tragedy comes upon us.  I want to continue the adventures and I'm loving the unexpected, happy surprises that come up - I hope there are more! :)

Happy New Year, everyone!

P.S. For a photo review of 2017, check out my #BestNine2017 on instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/BdWRS1VgDSy/

I want to quit my job

I want to quit my job. I am dissatisfied with my work. I thought maybe if I have something outside of work that fulfills me, having a "pay the bills" job is fine. For about a year, it was. However, things for me have changed. I'm starting to feel irritated with/intolerant of things that never really bothered me before: my pay, my work hours, the way one or two people treat me, the trainings and meetings I'm  expected to attend, my new responsibilities, etc. In fact, sometimes I don't want to do anything and get annoyed when people ask me to complete various tasks. However, I keep my emotions in check and do what I need to do. I know it's not my work - it's me.

The truth is, I don't feel fulfilled with my work. I don't feel like I'm growing in the direction I want. When you are working toward a goal and you're on the path you want to be on, you can put up with all kinds of crap: people taking advantage of you, lousy hours, little to no benefits, and low pay. You deal with it, because in the end it will pay off. On the other hand, if you have everything - good pay, good benefits, flexible hours, great coworkers - but don't feel fulfilled, all these things get on your nerves...probably irrationally. That's where I am right now.

The problem is, I don't know where to go or what would make me feel fulfilled. I've been reading a lot of articles on fulfilling careers and career changes, but nothing has sparked an idea. Or a plausible idea. I just know I want to create things. I've thought about photography, writing, websites, and marketing/advertisement. I've also thought about become a dance teacher...but the pay for that quite low unless you're well-known or have serious business skills (aka not a great teacher, but you can sell).

I don't know what I'm going to do, but I want to figure it out soon. I'm increasingly dreading the days I have to go to work and I'm getting cranky. I need to figure things out before I explode.

Turning 30

Fair warning: a short reflection on my twenties turned into an essay - so if you read it, you might want to grab a coffee ;).

 ~~~~

 My twenties were something else. They held some of the best moments of my life, including my college graduation; dancing on the Badger Ballroom Dance Team; traveling to Turkey by myself; getting my writing published; vacations with family; and meeting brilliant, bold, hilarious, creative, and crazy people who changed my life.

 However, among the bright moments, my twenties also had a running theme of survival. The early years were spent figuring out how to "adult": live with roommates, survive college, cook decent food, not burn my house down, navigate the professional world, pay bills, avoid Madison city parking police, and find that ever-elusive Life Direction. Life definitely challenged me. But at the age of 24, I kicked up the intensity. I moved across the country to Tucson - a place I’d never been, where I didn’t have a job or home lined up, and where I only kind of knew one person. I packed two suitcases and bought a one-way plane ticket. When I tell people this, many say, “That took guts,” or “That was brave." I usually respond, "Yeah...or dumb." There's a fine line, really. At the time, I was intoxicated with two things: leaving Wisconsin and ballroom dancing. I felt suffocated by familiarity and needed a change of pace, and I was pursuing something specific: Tucson had a teacher from whom I wanted to learn. So I left. The downside was that I didn't have a good plan. Our country was still climbing out of the recession and I barely had an employment history. Some people do this and hit the ground running. My landing wasn't bad, but it turned into a quicksand situation. After several months of trying to make it, things weren’t working out and I went through some tough shit. I became too broke to move anywhere else and had too much pride to return home or ask for help. I was fortunate to find good people to provide a roof over my head. One household even "adopted" me as a family member, which was wonderful and made holidays easier. However, I rarely talked about the reality of my life to anyone: how I was surviving on food stamps, how I nearly ended up at the Salvation Army (and instead lived across the street from it), and how my days were mostly just working to exist. Frankly, I was ashamed of what I had become and of what I was going through. More than this, though, I was ashamed of my naiveté. I tried to follow a passion/dream/fantasy and I failed horribly.

 As I struggled to rebuild my life, I went through some dark periods of depression and/or fear, as well. Some are still too sensitive to share the details and with one in particular, I didn’t know if I would make it out the other side. At one point, I found myself in a situation I never thought I'd face, and - feeling the most distressed and hopeless I’d ever felt in my life - I admit I contemplated all the options. More than once it seemed my life was saved by an act of God/the Universe/whatever you want to call it, and I am grateful. I moved through these periods with the amazing help of others (particularly Kristen Mae), became a stronger person, and today I am fierce about protecting the healthcare, safety, and mental well-being of women.

 During the healing process of these times, I also severed pieces of my former identity and sense of self. Emotionally, I felt like I was cutting off limbs of my body, pieces that once made me who I was. However, I recognized those limbs no longer served me; I had changed. But as the wounds healed, new limbs began to grow and I felt a new sense of personal empowerment and authenticity. I had a habit of yielding to others and giving them more control than I should have. But now I was taking a firmer grip on the reigns of my life and directing it in a way true to me.

 Meanwhile, dancing was completely out of the question and I resented it for a while. I believed this childish dream and self-indulgent passion ruined my life, so I tried to suffocate it. It kind of worked. I spent most of my Tucson years working to pay bills and buy groceries, keeping myself occupied with inexpensive/free activities here and there, and hoping to live better one day…which was happening slowly. Even though I found wonderful company – people whom I love for bringing me joy and showing me kindness - I still felt an internal emptiness. Deep down, I spent four years feeling like a failure and wondering if my move was nothing but a detrimental mistake; years of my life wasted. I had wanted to be something…and I was nothing.

But things changed last year. I received a promotion at work and nearly cried when they told me my salary - I could afford a real life. Several people encouraged me to try dancing again and while it took some convincing, I decided to give it a shot. I emailed the only international style dancer I knew, someone I met years ago. I asked if he could recommend a few local teachers. By the next day, he had given me a thorough reply and – by the way – his partner had just moved to California, so he was looking for a one. My first day back on the floor was a try out - GAH. I was so nervous and my dancing was rusty and awkward. But it didn't matter in the end. When I left the studio, I felt that internal emptiness fill with light. I experienced a deep sense of happiness that I hadn’t felt for a long time.

Since then, every part of my life seems to have opened and grown: my dance knowledge and opportunities, my circle of friends, creative projects, my health, travel, and I found a funny and wonderful partner for life (and all the science experiments and lectures that come with him). I finally feel what it is like to flourish and not just survive. Tomorrow I turn 30, and I’m looking forward to it. I made it, everyone, and I’m glad to leave those intense coming-of-age years behind. I sincerely thank all of you - my family and friends - who have been with me along the way.

I don’t expect the next decade to be void of pain and setbacks, but my hope is that it will be one of living more fully than before – with more laughter, confidence, creativity, drive, community, and, of course, dancing.

Photo credit: While I only train in ballroom these days, I've danced other styles in the past and I simply love to move. Many, many thanks to Ed Flores for catching my dancing soul on film. 

Flying 

Painting

Dreaming

Engagement

Fourth of July is hot in Arizona. Every year I think it would be great to go out and see fireworks and every year I remember how unappealing it is to sit in 95-100 degree temperatures at 9:30pm. Not only that, but if you go down town, you have to bring chairs and walk a quarter mile from the car to where you want to sit. Ibrahim and I decided to stay home and try to watch fireworks from the roof. We could see a couple shows happening around the city, though all were far away and partially concealed by trees. But we had a comfortable camping pad to sit/lounge on and we could still see some cool explosions. Around 9:45, I started to get tired and said, “Ok, it’s time for bed.” Ibrahim said, “Wait, before we go to bed, you still need to do something.” I was confused…I did laundry, packed my lunch, didn’t leave any of my usual messes around… “Brush my teeth? Take a shower?” I asked. “Put on your slippers,” he said. “Go look at that skylight.” I got up and walked toward it. Now remember, there are some lights from the streets and people’s homes, but it’s still pretty dark. I went to the skylight and saw a black something. It looked like a mouse, but it wasn’t moving. I had no idea what Ibrahim was trying to pull, but I wasn’t getting any closer to it. Ibrahim finally came over, picked it up, and handed it to me. It was a velvet pouch. The next few minutes were a whirlwind. As I opened it and pulled out a heart-shaped ring box, he said, “Even though it is independence day,” Ibrahim asked, “Amy, would you give up your independence and marry me?” Of course I said yes. I couldn’t quite believe it, though. My head was spinning. I felt completely overwhelmed. I wasn’t expecting this. I knew Ibrahim would propose someday, but I thought that would be next year, honestly, in 2018 sometime. I also thought the proposal would be different…maybe more public…or in a different location…like we would take a drive somewhere, have dinner. But proposing here and now…I wasn’t expecting it. I felt unprepared. For the rest of the evening, my mind was in a state of bewilderment, disappointment, and shock. I wasn’t the “happiest person in the world.” Actually, aside from the details of the proposal itself, being engaged suddenly scared me. I had to wear this ring now that would declare my status to everyone. That’s the point, right? To show off? I didn’t want to show off. I didn’t want to wear anything. The fact that my life was changing right now became real to me. Don’t misunderstand…soon after we started dating I figured I would marry Ibrahim. He is a wonderful boyfriend. He does all my dishes and lets me eat his pasta, even after I told him I didn’t want any when he was making it. I love our life together and couldn’t imagine being with anyone else. I saw myself growing old with him. But holding a ring in my hand was kind of daunting. I just became engaged and I was not loving it. What was wrong with me? Back inside, I felt awkward. I didn’t know what to say or feel. I was just confused.  

Nevertheless, I carried my ring to work with me in its heart-shaped box and little pouch. I couldn’t wear it yet because it was too big. But I would pull it out when no one else was around and look at it. He bought this for me. Even if I could wear it, I wasn't ready. I just wasn't ready.

We took my ring in to get resized and you could see other couples around picking rings. I felt weird. My ring size, by the way, is 3.5. Ibrahim couldn’t believe it was that small.

 Over the next several days, I felt all sorts of things: happy, scared, anxious, excited, worried, bewildered, denial. I even cried once. Ibrahim later told friends that he could see I was in shock: I sort of walked around the house in a daze.

Aside from being engaged, the idea of planning a wedding was WAY more than I could handle. I’d get panic moments at work: What do I do? How much will this cost? Where will it be? Don’t these things have color schemes? Do I have to have bridesmaids? I don’t think I have any good enough friends to be bridesmaids. Wedding became the "W" word and I would freeze up anytime Ibrahim or I mentioned it.  

Finally, the following Saturday night, I needed to talk about what was going on and what we were getting ourselves into. Ibrahim and I have talked about things here and since we started dating, but I wanted to nail things down. We had a long conversation about what marriage meant to each of us, our fundamental beliefs, children, and dancing. I wanted to know that we were on the same page, and for anything where we weren’t, how we anticipated dealing with those differences. We also talked about how we could potentially change in the future. In the end, we aligned well on a lot of things. We both wanted a permanent life partner, and we wanted to marry each other because we worked well as a team and we enjoyed being with each other. Personally, I love that Ibrahim allows me to be me, accepts it, and wants to be a part of my life. He has demonstrated that from the beginning – going out of his way just so he can be present in my day-to-day happenings. I also love how he keeps me calm. I tend to worry a lot and he’s always saying, “It’s going to be ok! Don’t worry!”

 I felt a lot better after our conversation and was ready to announce our engagement. I wasn't sure whether or not I wanted to tell anyone besides my family. You’re throwing a big chunk of your personal life out into the open, into the wild. Who knows how things will go over? 

I think my family was as shocked as I was when I texted them. Maybe a little more. None of them have met Ibrahim. Heather and Christine congratulated me. My dad was brief. My mom couldn't get the message. Eventually I was able to call my mom a few hours later and talk to her. She sounded cautious and skeptical, but was also supportive and positive at the same time. She probably figured there wasn't much for her to say or do. When I called my dad a little later, he admitted he was shocked. Both my mom, my dad, and Brenda (Evan even made a vocal appearance) chatted with Ibrahim for a little while. I think this was everyone’s first real conversation with him. Neither my dad nor Brenda had ever spoken to him before. It seemed to go over alright.

 I wasn't going to post any photos of my ring, because I hate it when women do that: show off their hand in any way possible. Of course, though, my mom asked for one, so I made Ibrahim take one with me. We fumbled around for a good shot and finally settled on one that looked Arizona-ish and was in focus. Then I posted it on Facebook. I debated doing this. I wasn't feeling particularly joyful. However, I rationalized that everyone has his/her moment to announce an engagement, and this was mine. Instead of people finding out piecemeal and watering down the experience, I might as well open the floodgates, have my moment, and hope it turned out ok. The response was overwhelming. People were "liking," reacting, and commenting every few seconds. People I haven't talked to in years were congratulating me.

 In contrast to my parents, people from our Tucson dance community were excited right away. These people see us on a weekly (sometimes daily) basis and would exclaim, “Congratulations! You guys are so great together!! This is really great news!” It was encouraging. I'm glad it seemed like a good idea to some people besides us.

I told a few coworkers the next day, but let everyone else discover my ring for themselves. I was still getting used to the idea. Now – a few weeks in – I’ve started to forget I have it on. I was pointing out some edits on a letter for a doctor and he said, “Did you get engaged?” I said yes and he responded, “Well, congratulations. I just kept seeing something flashing in my eyes!” Oh…heh.

 I feel much more comfortable with the idea of getting married now. I think my family and other people have had time to let the idea settle in, and now everyone is looking forward to a wedding, which still stresses me out. Sometimes I want to say, “Forget it! We’re going to get married by ourselves, plus a couple of witnesses.” But I think I would feel like I missed out if I didn’t have a wedding celebration with my family and friends. I just don’t know what I’m going to do. Everyone says, “You have time, don’t worry.” But you don’t…you need to book a year in advance sometimes. That means decisions need to be made MORE than a year in advance. I also have to figure out how much we can afford to spend. I don’t care about the details of party favors or invitations. I don’t think I’ll even have them. Maybe I’ll get one made for a scrapbook, one made for my mom, and one made for my dad. Done. Everything else is electronic. Facebook invitations. I care mostly about the dance party and having a bunch of people there.

 Back to marriage, though…I used to think it was risky marrying someone you knew for a year or less. You needed at least two-three years to know. However, I dated someone for three years and I was skeptical about a future with him for a lot of the time. I wanted us to work, but that was different from having evidence that it would. With Ibrahim, I could see early on that we would work well together. I think a large part of that was because he wanted a future together, and he showed that he wanted it every day. I now believe that when you find the right person – regardless of how long you’ve known each other - you will know he/she is the right person. Then, if you’re at a point in life when marriage makes sense (or if you just want it!), you should go for it. That’s where I am – I’ve finally found my person, my other half – and I’m excited for our adventures to come.

Year in Review 2016 and Looking to 2017

2016 was interesting. Where I am today is completely unexpected, but wonderful.

2016 goals/what I actually did:

1) Read a newspaper everyday/Read facebook every day.

2) Exercise for 30 minutes every day before work/Exercise anywhere from 0-20 minutes before work. Dance for 1.5-2 hours after work. 

3) Study for the GMAT, take an accounting class, start school again/Take dance lessons, begin an interest in sewing dresses and clothing.

4) Deal with a difficult person at work/Turns out she isn't so bad. She's more or less "adopted" me as her child who runs her schedule, fee payments, paperwork, travel, etc. I've learned and continue to learn how she operates and how I can keep people (including myself) out of the "line of fire." But really, she and I get along very well and I appreciate her much more.

I had hoped that my professional life would develop, but instead my hobbies and personal life have expanded/deepened and my life has been very happy this way. 

Lessons Learned

I only have one for this year: I can't force the best path for me; I can only take advantage of opportunities as they appear. For me, the path of happiness came in serendipitous situations. I went through several periods of frustration and felt like I was spinning my wheels, both personally and professionally. To fix the situation, I tried to move in any direction I could: go back to school, preoccupy myself with exercise, think of how I could earn more money...just do something. However, none of my attempts to remedy the situation worked. They didn't excite me about my life. What did work? Seemingly out-of-the-blue moments of luck: 

1) Someone else was pushing me toward dancing. I finally had the money to start again, so I decided to do it and began contacting people. Voila: I had a partner and coaches almost instantly. It required very little effort on my part. 

2) I wanted more friends and people with whom I could do activities and spend time; this came along with dancing. 

3) I thought I would start sewing dresses and clothes. I had dinner with Ibrahim's friends and one of them gave me a machine for free. I've also started talking to more people about dressmaking and it's been a lot of fun...expanding my circle and deepening friendships even more.

4) I started a new relationship with someone with whom I share goals and who compliments my personality/life direction/habits very well. This came naturally from other life changes (dancing!) 

There is a belief out there that you need to take your life into your own hands and steer it to your liking. This didn't work for me. I was pushing in directions that would have sufficed for a decent life, but I wouldn't have had the spark (joy) I wanted. I think our paths have their own trajectory and while we can influence them, we can't force them to our will. There is an end-goal for our souls that we can't see, and to get there may involve being poor or aimless, hating our jobs, being in a dysfunctional relationship, or otherwise feeling unfulfilled. All we can do is keep putting one foot in front of the other - making the best decisions we can - until our opportunities appear...and then grab on heroically when they come against all logic. 

Goals for 2017 - all dance-related

1) Front splits and side splits. (Stretch goal)
2) Make rondes (RON-days) that are level with my head when I kick them in my routines. 
3) Semi-final in SOMETHING at NDCA nationals this year. (Stretch goal)
4) Do four dance competitions (big, small, medium, whatever).
5) Dance a latin and standard routine that I'm not ashamed to post on facebook/youtube.
6) Successfully rhinestone a standard and latin dress. Meaning, they don't look bad.
7) Design a practice dress and sew it. (Stretch goal)
8) Make friends at dance competitions.

I think this is the first year I've had solid goals that I believe are attainable. A few of them are "stretch goals" that may be a little ambitious, but they aren't impossible. My only professional goal this year is to not get fired. I need my job to support my dancing habit.

I'm pretty excited about 2017. I'm hoping to be in a place I don't expect (in a good way) by this time next year.

Riding from the North

I took an express bus to a road in north Tucson called, "Sunrise." The temperature was supposed to reach its zenith of an estimated 109 by the time I finished work, so I opted for a $2 bus fare instead of cycling across town and up hills. The express stops two miles north of my destination, but riding downhill for two miles beats riding uphill in 100+ degree weather.

As the bus climbed the road leading into the foothills, I watched the sunlight enhance every plunge and profile of the terrain around me. I actually felt anticipation. I'd ridden this path in a car before and I enjoyed it. However, I've never ridden it on a bike, where there is no barrier between you and everything you see.

The ride down was awesome. There was no stopping and almost no pedaling, because the hill let me accelerate the whole way. I could see over Tucson, a low city mostly hidden by light green trees and shrubs. The mountains glowed orange and red-brown in the distance, as the sun moved toward the western horizon. I continued to go faster and faster and hoped the two miles wouldn't end quickly. Being within two different speeds - the fast pace of everything blurring around you and the slowly approaching horizon in the distance - magnifies your senses. There is no glass to interrupt your sense of smell, touch, sight, and sound; and less stability on a bike puts your mind in potential "danger" status...all making you increasingly aware and increasingly present. The northern part of town is already beautiful, but the experience is even greater when you travel like this, unenclosed.

There are times when I really dislike Tucson. The pace is slow, the culture lacks sophistication, the city is too flat and too hot, the population is old, there isn't enough to do, everything is spread out and the transit system cannot make up for it. However, experiences like these let me see its hidden beauty. It can't convince me to stay forever, but it does make me glad I'm here.

On Happiness and What Life Is (shared from a friend)

"Happiness is not an end-goal, but an experience achieved through being fully engaged in the business of living your life..."

and

"...this incubation period that we have entitled as ‘living’ is simply a cyclical process of preparation and learning prior to the next step in our soul’s journey to some currently undefined end state."



So if I may paraphrase...

1) happiness is full engagement with your life, not an achievement
2) "living" is preparation for each challenge we face and learning from its result...all leading to a place we find ourselves going but don't know exactly where it is or what lies there waiting for us.


Thanks for your insights HS ~ http://breakinworld.com/blog/?p=714