Holy Grail

The amateurs who attend Arizona competitions are usually locals, with occasional outsiders coming in from other western states. This year at People's Choice Dancesport Competition, we had an amateur couple from Minnesota compete with us. Afterward, Ibrahim invited them out for dinner/drinks. Nic and Neli turned out to be very congenial and we had a good time.

An interesting conversation came up when I asked them about their coaching - where do they go in Minnesota? Or do they go somewhere else? Well, they go to Italy. Some years ago, Nic discovered Roberto Villa (Blackpool Professional Ballroom Finalist 2006-2009) and decided he wanted to dance like him. Through research and a connection, Nic and Neli were able to get a lesson with him in the U.S. last year. They told him they wanted to receive coaching from him, but he lives in Italy and only rarely travels to the U.S....he just happened to be there that one time. They said they would come to Italy and found themselves booking a flight. Now they go about every other month, but also send videos to him to look over. They said one of the challenges they have is securing time with him. What they're looking for is a dedicated coach who will guide them long term. Right now, they aren't sure they've convinced Roberto to take them on as permanent students, but things seem to be going well. They mentioned they've seen him simply turn people away ("No, I don't want to teach you.") and he hasn't done that to them yet. He's a world finalist and doesn't need them as students by any means.

I thought that was pretty amazing: first, the fact that they're going to Italy, and second, that they managed to get a prominent person like Roberto to coach them. But what fascinated me most was the parallelism between Nic and I: how we both had an ultimate goal, we managed to serendipitously meet the people we needed (for me it was Ibrahim and Maja), and we did crazy things in order to reach our goals of becoming great dancers (he flies to Italy, I moved to Arizona). To me, this indicates an inner, inexplicable drive. Something is pushing us in our directions. Yet our "holy grails," the ultimate skills/knowledge we wanted to obtain, are vastly different. He wants to dance like Roberto and I want the knowledge of the historical "greats" of ballroom. We both believe our ways are the best ways to get to the top (or at least our personal top). But if his opportunities came along for me today, I would find them significantly less meaningful and wouldn't recognize them as opportunity at all. I have no interest in Roberto Villa and I doubt Nic has any interest in ballroom history or the theories of Bill Irvine or Benny Tolmeijer. It's interesting how an event can come across as a divine happening to one person while the next person over barely recognizes anything special; someone's holy grail - the thing that moves his life and gives him purpose - is only an interesting-looking cup to me.

Buying a Latin Dress - Part 1

I love looking at all the beautiful dresses on a dance floor and then imagining myself in one (or all) of them. However, the nitty gritty of designing a dress and finding someone to make it is not easy if you’re just entering the dance world. In my college years, I turned to eBay and Chinese dressmakers. These were not bad options for college. In amateur league, however, those dresses definitely pale in comparison to European and American-made dresses (as in, they tend to look cheap). This year, I used the same Chinese dressmaker I used in college and stoned the costume he sent me. Stoning was a difficult task, but worth it in the end. It probably cost about $900 in the end, instead of $2000 or more. For my first year back in dancing, I simply needed an appropriate dress and this worked very well. My latin dress, however, is another story. I bought a practice dress that would meet the requirements for Nationals at BYU and again stoned it myself. The result of this one, however, was less than stellar. It wasn’t a terrible dress, but it looked juvenile and like a less-experienced person stoned it. I needed to find a dress that was midway between high-end designer and college comp wear. Basic, but stylish would be perfect. Still, this was not easy to find.

Right now I’m working with – or maybe tempering – a designer. I first started to inquire about prices and designs. She has a lot of energy and probably throws everything she has my way - lots of information and examples of dresses she was working on. The only thing is, her price is pretty high (for me). We discussed some options and I finally sent her a design – rather basic in my opinion – and asked what she would charge for it unstoned. Her lowest was still very high for me. I told her I’d think about it and let her know the next week. I was about to concede and fork over the money when two people strongly discouraged the idea. Then I became depressed. I wanted a nice dress, but I couldn’t afford her price. I had looked at the websites of a few other designers and my guess was that prices would be comparable. I didn’t know where else to go, aside from getting a practice outfit and stoning it or continue to blindly search for options. What does a person do without connections??  Then I remembered - online forums.  You never know if you’ll get any responses, but it was worth a shot.

I went into my favorite dance forum and posted the question if a stoned practice dress would be good enough for my level of dancing.  A couple people responded: some said yes, while others said no. One of those “nay sayers” gave me another option: Europe. She said dresses are so inexpensive because the market is bigger. She bought hers for several hundred instead of several thousand. It’s scary to have a dress made overseas, she said, but it was worth it: it was beautiful and comparable in quality to its expensive counterparts. She gave me a name and a few avenues to try. When I talked to Ibrahim, he suggested starting with Russia. He read through Russian dance forums (which he says are mostly run by obsessive mothers) and picked a few designers who were highly recommended. We looked through their websites and decided that once I had a final design, we would spam them all, asking for prices and construction details. Hope was restored with an expansion of **options**.

My dance forum friend also gave me some perspective: a dress is an expense, not an investment. It's similar to a car in that Its value goes down after wearing it. This changed my mind-set toward dress-buying in general. I have to think about it as a loss instead of a gain, so it would be optimal to find the least expensive option that I can get away with. However, I have to find the zone where time, energy, and money meet what I can do...more energy, time, and assistance from my personal translator may mean lower cost, while a higher price would yield something sooner and more convenient. 

Now that I had a new paths to try, there was still one obstacle left – letting the American designer know that I was no longer interested, but without burning the bridge. Who knows, maybe the European dress will turn out poorly and I’ll need someone to go to in the future? Plus, she’s been friendly. I had told her I would get back to her the next week and let her know if I could meet her price…so I waited until the last minute on Friday of course. I texted her, thanking her for her time, but said her price was too high for me - maybe I'd try her again in the future. Then came a conversation I wasn’t prepared for. What I hoped was that she would say, “Oh I’m sorry it’s worked out that way. Let me know if things change.” Instead, she wanted to bargain: she lowered her price and went on about the advantages of having a custom-designed dress. I was a little put off and didn't know how to respond: just accept my "no"! I tried to delay the conversation by saying I had changed design and I would get back to her about it when I was done (which was true). But that only added wood to the fire…she started talking about designs and colors. I finally had to say I was busy at work and I’d get back to her in a few days.

Suddenly the tables had turned. She evidently wanted work and was willing to lower her price (although it was still high - over $1000). I could recognize all the maneuvers she was pulling and realized I was caught in a business game. She would say things like, "You can't get into a final without a custom-made dress...Since I'm giving you such a good deal and partially sponsoring you (knocking only $300 off the previous cost?) by making a spectacular dress..." I wanted to say, "Excuse me? I don't need you." However, Ibrahim encouraged me to maintain a friendly relationship...she was just doing business after all and trying to earn a living. I also don't know the value of my leverage. I have European options, but maybe they won’t work out. Maybe getting a dress over there would be just as expensive or wouldn't be done well. Maybe none of them would work with me because I lived abroad. If I could do anything, I'd get a dress from over there first, see how it turns out, and then go back to the American designer if I didn't like it. Right now, though, I'm trying to delay this person tactically while seeing what Europe has to offer.