Compensation

Today I received an electronic notice that my checking account has $1 in it. While the situation isn't dire - I have a little money in savings and I get paid today - it was a bit shocking. I realized a few months ago that my current income is no longer livable, so I've started the process of applying for other work. One of the hard things, though, is writing out a resume and saying I'm "excellent" and "exceptional" at what-have-you when there is evidence to suggest otherwise. An incident yesterday made me question some of my abilities I want to "sell" and consequently, it has been difficult writing that resume...

This past month, we've had several scheduling errors where clients have missed appointments because of the schedulers/admin. There's a team of three people who do it: me, Judy, and the owner. Admittedly, we all mess up. There are so many freaking details that go along with running the business that it would take a super-human administrative assistant to get the job done perfectly. However, several errors have traced back to my coworker, Judy, who is newer to the job than I am. The owner was getting frustrated. I feel the pressure, too, though and I'm terrified to make a mistake.

Then yesterday, a client called to confirm an appointment for that afternoon and she wasn't in the calendar. We were unlucky, too, because her slot had been scheduled over. Of course, the client couldn't remember when she made the appointment or who she talked to. I've had a pretty good track record with my scheduling for the last several months, and the owner knew she didn't talk to the client...so she suspected it was another mistake made by Judy. There didn't appear to be any evidence either way, though.

Yet I had a sinking feeling in my stomach. I couldn't remember doing the scheduling, but the client had a treatment on the day I was working. It would have made sense for her to rebook that same day. I checked the company cell phone's message history to see if the appointment had been texted in, but the messages had been cleared since then. At the end of the night, I stopped the therapist who would have had the appointment - did she text in the treatment? She couldn't remember, but I asked her to go through her messages anyway, giving her the date. She found it. The appointment had been scheduled during a short text conversation we had had. I must have gotten distracted and forgot to put it in. Now I had to figure out how to handle it. The mistake should not have happened. Period. I've been there long enough to be more attentive than that.

I decided to leave a note for the owner. I explained to her what happened - that it was my fault the client lost the appointment and not Judy's. I said the client should be compensated a free massage (since that is the right thing to do) and I asked that the price of the massage be deducted from my paycheck when she rebooks (she's a regular, so we knew she would). That way the company gets paid, the therapist gets paid, the client - hopefully - feels taken care of, and I can feel redeemed.

I don't know if she'll actually do it, though. In the past, she's let the business as a whole - and probably herself then - eat the cost. So it means I'll have to make sure it's deducted myself.

Anyway, this event was a blow in two ways:
1) My bank account clearly can't handle any more losses, and
2) I'm not as good as I thought I was.
I was considering applying for a job at the university hospital where the stakes were much higher, but I've lost confidence in my ability to step up to that challenge. I was going to be stretching myself as it was - being somewhat under-qualified for the job - but now...I mean this is a hospital. Life and death happen here. Missing an appointment in a massage therapy center is one thing, but I don't know if I could live with myself if I did the same in a hospital...particularly the Children's Critical Care Unit...

So I'm battling two dilemmas now...the $1 in my bank account and the feeling of being qualified...

Be Allowed to Dream

A friend from Wisconsin was upset that I didn't tell him I was leaving the state until after I was gone.
"You abandoned me!" he said, somewhat jokingly.
"You...and lots of other people, too," I admitted.
"So why did you leave?"
I explained that I wanted to work with a coach who lived here. However, as life worked out, I realized that dancing was to be a recreational thing for me instead of a profession...which is where that path was heading. He responded, "I hate to be a 'Debbie-Downer,' but I knew you wouldn't become a professional dancer." It didn't occur to me at that moment, but I later remembered that that that was why I never told him. I knew he wouldn't encourage me in pursuing something that was "just a hobby" to him. However, I think one needs to be allowed to dream, even if the probability of a dream coming true is low. A person needs room to explore and search, and I try to surround myself with people who will let me do this. I encourage you -- all of you who read this -- to dream, and know that you are allowed to chase it.

20 Books, 20 Films

This year, I'm going to read 20 books and watch 20 films. In truth, I may (I hope) I read and watch more than that, but I'm making a concentrated effort for this particular list. Here are the guidelines:

Books
2 memoirs (M)
3 religious in nature (R)
1 new release (NR)
1 Oprah's book list (O)
10 fiction (I don't read enough fiction) (F)

List
1. My Name Is Red ~ Orhan Pamuk (F)
2. Einstein's Dreams (F)
3. The Fault in Our Stars (F)
4. Being Both (M, R)
5. The Screwtape Letters (R, F)
6. Song of Ice & Fire(F) - book 1
7. book 2 (F)
8. book 3 (F)
9. book 4 (F)
10. book 5 (F)


Movies
3 documentaries (D)
2 foreign films (FF)
1 IMAX (I)

List
1. 127 Hours
2. The Secret Life of Walter Mitty
3. Food, Inc (D)


Feel free to add suggestions. I think I'll knock out a bunch of my requirements pretty quickly.

Help Wanted

I'm in need of a mentor.

Accepting applications now.



After-thought: This may be more effective on craigslist.

On Happiness and What Life Is (shared from a friend)

"Happiness is not an end-goal, but an experience achieved through being fully engaged in the business of living your life..."

and

"...this incubation period that we have entitled as ‘living’ is simply a cyclical process of preparation and learning prior to the next step in our soul’s journey to some currently undefined end state."



So if I may paraphrase...

1) happiness is full engagement with your life, not an achievement
2) "living" is preparation for each challenge we face and learning from its result...all leading to a place we find ourselves going but don't know exactly where it is or what lies there waiting for us.


Thanks for your insights HS ~ http://breakinworld.com/blog/?p=714

Judgement Call

Everything was fine until one of our clients called.

"Hi Amy. I want to confirm my appointment today with Megan at 1:00 at the Northwest office." I scan the calendar. Not there.
"I'm sorry, Jim...you aren't in the calendar for today..."
"Well I made this appointment months ago, back when we were scheduling for several dates at one time."
"Let me see...do you remember who you were talking to about his appointment?" I was stalling and sifting through emails, trying to make sure that this was in fact our mistake.
"I think it was [so-and-so],"  he said. I continued to look while he talked."This is the second time there's been a screw-up," he sighed.
"Let me see what I can do..."
I put him on hold and sure enough. There was the email. He had scheduled the appointment back in September. There was his request and it wasn't put in, and now someone else was in his slot. When we no-show on someone, policy is to give them a free treatment. Loss of income. Not good.

Megan, his therapist, came into the room then. She's a very up-beat, smiley person so I let her talk to him while I tried to coordinate something... she's at location A for one hour...needs travel time...he wants an hour and a half...she could be there at 3:30...two and a half hours later than scheduled, but she can do it... With Megan talking, he seemed to be more flexible and we put him into a later slot. She hung up the phone but the job wasn't done. If I were him, this is what I'd be thinking come payment time:
"You messed up my treatment appointments twice and now I'm taking one today at a later time than I had originally scheduled...and you want me to pay full price even though I was inconvenienced...again. Why should I book with you if I can't be sure I'm actually going to get a massage when I ask for one?"Jim's a nice a guy and he never said any of that, but even nice people get frustrated if they don't get the service they're paying for.

Of course the owner was not around and left me to exercise judgement. I went back and forth weighing monetary gain and loss with client satisfaction gain and loss, trying to find a balance between the two. I realized in the short-term that I could skip the discount and hope Megan would smooth things over. She's good at that. We'd get paid for a full treatment, but he would not entirely trust us the next time he did. OR I could give him a discount, maybe get an irritated reaction from my superior when she came in, but the client would walk away happy. This would be so much easier if my boss were predictable - I would at least know the consequences of my actions.

I thought everything over several times. The bottom line, though, was doing whatever would restore the client's trust with us. Trust is an intangible entity that you can't quantify into numbers, but it's that thing that gives you numbers (brings people in) in the first place. So I gave him a fair (and pretty nice) discount.

A few hours after I left work, I checked in with Megan, asking if Jim was satisfied with his treatment.
"Very," she said. "He said we are great. He was very surprised."
"Oh good. I'm so glad. Thank you." Client saved.
"Thank you for helping me with this. I really appreciate it." She added.
"Helping take care of the client?" I was confused...why would she thank me? This is what I do.
"Yes, ma'am."
"You're welcome...but it is my job."
"Not everyone does their job. You are wonderful at what you do and you are appreciated for it."

This was one of those moments when I felt accomplishment in my work and I sensed a turning point in my own confidence in my level of responsibility. At the end of the day, I'm glad I made the judgement call I did...and I felt I could defend it. The best part, though, was being recognized for the risk I took and being recognized for putting a person above money. That doesn't always happen, so I definitely appreciated it.

Amy + Car = OMGCOMMITMENTFEAR

My final months of Wisconsin-living were plagued with 45-minute to one-hour commutes in my car to and from work. I was determined to only cycle, walk, or take public transportation wherever I lived next. Better for my body. Owning a car would also be expensive (gas + insurance + maintenance) and without one, I could put my money toward other things.

Of course, I imagined I would be living in New York...or Europe...not Tucson.

So far, being carless in Arizona has been pretty ok. I've managed to deal with multiple grocery runs every week and a serious impedance on travel. Tucson is spread out and public transportation is not very convenient - the buses close down EARLY on weekends (?!). But being a cyclist, I don't often worry about traffic, parking, speeding tickets, gas expense, car accidents, insurance, or anything related to a car. Living has been pretty manageable. 

However, the longer I am in Tucson, the more I want to meet people and DO THINGS. To do more, I must travel faster. To travel faster, I need a car. In the past, I've cut my losses: "Oh well, I just won't go to X or try to get a job at Y or skip out on Q...something that I like doing :(." I figured that it would all work out in the end. I also figured I wouldn't be here for too long and buying a car would be a hinderance to my moving. 

Yet here I am. Still in Tucson...with limited funds to move anywhere else and a desire to build a better life and some savings right now. 

So I've been thinking about buying a car once I can afford it...which means that I probably won't try to move away soon...which means I'll be here longer...which means previous dreams of living in a different, more cosmopolitan city are questioned now... :-/ 

And there will be more hot-hot summers in my life...ugh. Committing to Tucson in order to build some life is not a pleasant thought, but I think right now it has to be done. 

So here's to buying a car within the next two years. 

New Years Resolutions

1) Become a better listener. It will help my memory and keep people from repeating themselves.

2) Speak more directly, rather than try to spare people's feelings. I'm still going to choose my words carefully, but I'm also going to say what I need to say.

How Many Years Do You Want?

I'm ready to sell my soul for a cubicle life in return for a live-able paycheck and benefits. Just sayin'.