Compensation

Today I received an electronic notice that my checking account has $1 in it. While the situation isn't dire - I have a little money in savings and I get paid today - it was a bit shocking. I realized a few months ago that my current income is no longer livable, so I've started the process of applying for other work. One of the hard things, though, is writing out a resume and saying I'm "excellent" and "exceptional" at what-have-you when there is evidence to suggest otherwise. An incident yesterday made me question some of my abilities I want to "sell" and consequently, it has been difficult writing that resume...

This past month, we've had several scheduling errors where clients have missed appointments because of the schedulers/admin. There's a team of three people who do it: me, Judy, and the owner. Admittedly, we all mess up. There are so many freaking details that go along with running the business that it would take a super-human administrative assistant to get the job done perfectly. However, several errors have traced back to my coworker, Judy, who is newer to the job than I am. The owner was getting frustrated. I feel the pressure, too, though and I'm terrified to make a mistake.

Then yesterday, a client called to confirm an appointment for that afternoon and she wasn't in the calendar. We were unlucky, too, because her slot had been scheduled over. Of course, the client couldn't remember when she made the appointment or who she talked to. I've had a pretty good track record with my scheduling for the last several months, and the owner knew she didn't talk to the client...so she suspected it was another mistake made by Judy. There didn't appear to be any evidence either way, though.

Yet I had a sinking feeling in my stomach. I couldn't remember doing the scheduling, but the client had a treatment on the day I was working. It would have made sense for her to rebook that same day. I checked the company cell phone's message history to see if the appointment had been texted in, but the messages had been cleared since then. At the end of the night, I stopped the therapist who would have had the appointment - did she text in the treatment? She couldn't remember, but I asked her to go through her messages anyway, giving her the date. She found it. The appointment had been scheduled during a short text conversation we had had. I must have gotten distracted and forgot to put it in. Now I had to figure out how to handle it. The mistake should not have happened. Period. I've been there long enough to be more attentive than that.

I decided to leave a note for the owner. I explained to her what happened - that it was my fault the client lost the appointment and not Judy's. I said the client should be compensated a free massage (since that is the right thing to do) and I asked that the price of the massage be deducted from my paycheck when she rebooks (she's a regular, so we knew she would). That way the company gets paid, the therapist gets paid, the client - hopefully - feels taken care of, and I can feel redeemed.

I don't know if she'll actually do it, though. In the past, she's let the business as a whole - and probably herself then - eat the cost. So it means I'll have to make sure it's deducted myself.

Anyway, this event was a blow in two ways:
1) My bank account clearly can't handle any more losses, and
2) I'm not as good as I thought I was.
I was considering applying for a job at the university hospital where the stakes were much higher, but I've lost confidence in my ability to step up to that challenge. I was going to be stretching myself as it was - being somewhat under-qualified for the job - but now...I mean this is a hospital. Life and death happen here. Missing an appointment in a massage therapy center is one thing, but I don't know if I could live with myself if I did the same in a hospital...particularly the Children's Critical Care Unit...

So I'm battling two dilemmas now...the $1 in my bank account and the feeling of being qualified...