When I was in middle school, I wanted to marry a Jewish boy. I think it was because I had met a funny rabbi and therefore believed most Jewish men were funny. (Of course this is a stereotype, but I have met many funny Jewish men since.) Also, I was intrigued by the religion that fathered my own and wanted to learn about it and embrace it. However, in high school I discovered that interfaith marriages were discouraged by both Christians and Jews. Moreover, it was particularly frowned upon if the mother was not Jewish, because then the children "wouldn't" be Jewish. Realizing my unappealing state to this community and not wanting to ostracize my children, I let my marriage ambitions go.
Then in college I came into contact with Muslims. Again, I became intrigued by their culture and beliefs. I participated in a couple Ramadan events while I was a student, and chatted about religion with those I knew from class or the dorms. My high school experience deterred me from considering marrying anyone except a Christian, but I still wondered, "Could such a thing be possible?" To be perfectly honest, I think I often felt like I should marry a Christian, because that was easiest and probably best. But I don't think I necessarily wanted to.
Fast-forward to the present. I happened upon a book at the library, Being Both: Embracing Two Religions in One Interfaith Family. This was it! I thought. Finally a book to answer my nagging questions about interfaith marriages: were they possible, were they doomed?
According to the author, they were possible and they were not doomed. She discussed her own experience growing up in an interfaith family and talked about growth of communities for such families. She also gave examples of marriages that included a mix of Jew, Christian, Muslim, Hindu, and Buddhist people. All of these gave me hope. The common denominator that I noticed for why these marriages worked was that the people were not fundamentalists or literalists of their holy texts. It seemed to me that they believed their faiths shared core values and that their religions were different manifestations of those values. This was cool, but I saw one area of concern: none of these people seemed to believe that there was only one Way.
To me, religion is like a a multi-layered orange. When you get past the rituals, texts, and desired behaviors, you arrive at the path/deed/belief to salvation - the core. In my mind, if you deny your core - the belief that there is one Way - you are taking out the center piece that holds everything together...the rock...the foundation. What is the point of practicing if don't believe in your foundation??
Yet, many people who are in interfaith marriages are actively engaged in their religions and in multiple religious communities. They ask questions and seek answers. These people want to understand, because the cohesion of their families depends on it. They are probably more on board with their faith than many of those who are in single-religion families. They are confident in what they believe and why.
So where do I stand? At this point in my life, I believe there is one Way for me. Yet I believe we all find God through different avenues and they can all be right. We live in a world where people of different countries, cultures, races, and religions are constantly moving and connecting with each other every day. For some of us, marrying someone who has a similar background as us is difficult and - honestly - less appealing. While forming interfaith relationships and families may not be easy, it's nice to know it's possible to do and that they can succeed.
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