Mating in Captivity

It's unfortunate, but I hear a fair amount of reservation - and sometimes straight-up negativity -surrounding marriage: at work, among people I hang around with, and even in public places. I was sitting at a pool at someone's apartment complex and the people swimming were going on about how bad it was. I was very uncomfortable.

Discussions like this make me question whether marriage is possible long-term...it seems like everyone has gotten divorced or is getting divorced now. However, I believe in long-term marriage and I want to do it. Therefore, I've set out on a journey to figure out what makes a marriage work and what I need to know to prepare myself. The benefit of hearing people talk, though, has given me a clue into the problem factors - people married too young or didn't think through the logistics are two common ones. But what about the others? Novelty and insecurity (not knowing how the person feels about you and if you can hang on to him/her) make a relationship exciting and passionate. Yet people crave security and knowledge and need them to build a stable relationship. So how does one reconcile this? How does one keep passion alive while maintaining trust and security? In lieu of asking people this personal question, I've turned to books, podcasts, and TED talks. The book I'm reading now is called, Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel. She's a family and marriage psychologist who has worked with many couples across different cultures. Because of this, she can see how Americans view relationships and how we set ourselves up for problems. I've been impressed with her insights so far and I'm going to recommend you read her book if you wonder the same thing as me - how can you make a long-term relationship work? She's also done TED talks and writes different articles on love, eroticism, and maintaining a relationship with children. I find it very fascinating from a psychological stand point. I will post what I think of it when I'm finished, but I wanted to introduce it in case anyone wants to discuss (you can message me or comment).