Wishing I Could Stand Still

The 20s are about exploring, but I want to be done and settled for at least a few years. I'm talking about my career. This year, I've managed to convince myself into several. First, I wanted to get an MBA and become a director or accountant of some kind...and then I lost interest. I've thought about becoming a psychotherapist or psychologist (researcher), but again, after a few weeks my attention went else where. Most recently, I've been reading textbooks on human anatomy and physiology and radiology (I mean, I have immediate access to radiology texts so why not?). I was truly enjoying them...but even this interest has waned.

The other day, I posted a question on facebook about which subjects at Hogwarts people would choose as their specialties. It was a random question out of nowhere, and I was interested to see my friends' thought processes behind the decisions they made more than anything. However, once I put it up, I became introspective about myself. It's silly to think that a question like this and the subject (Young Adult fiction of all things) would make me think more deeply about myself. But it did. It opened up a part of me that's been off to the side for a few months.

I think of myself as having two sides. One likes to see structure, numbers, and evidence; it likes to research. The other prefers creativity, expression, and deep thinking. They fight with each other more than they work together. Sometimes I want to be something logical and practical. I want to earn a good living and function methodically at work (stay emotionally uninvolved). Yet other times I want meaning in my career and I want it to be something that taps into a more innate ability and involving more depth.

I couldn't tell you the direction I want to head in right now, but I do know one thing - I want to stop moving. I'm tired of having things slip through my fingers like water. I want to be done with the movement for a few years. I want a solid trajectory and to generally stick to it.