I think I messed up more at this dance competition than I did at any other. During my first side of foxtrot, I caught Ibrahim's leg 1/3 of the way through and stumbled around pretty badly the rest of the way. I thought for sure we were done. No callback. We messed up a lot after that, too. Aside from mistakes, though, my posture was visibly poor. I was definitely tired and my neck was cramping.
Off the floor, we waited for results and got ready for the next event. Each time I was expecting not to be called back. And each time we were. I was honestly surprised.
However, the rounds became more challenging in terms of energy. I remember thinking each time I walked on the floor, "Oh my god I can't do this." The thought of Quickstep made me want to cry. But I had to do it. Almost every time I was praying for the music to be over.
When we reached the final rounds and stood waiting to go on the floor, Ibrahim said, "It doesn't matter what happens from this point forward. We made the final and we're going to nationals." Ibrahim originally wanted to place in the top three, but when we saw our competitors, we knew it would be tough. From this point forward, we just wanted a clean run; we were content with our placement - whatever it was.
When we finished the Pre-Champ final, I was nearly dead. We lined up and awaited our awards. I kept waiting for the next number they called to be ours, but it was always someone else's. Finally it came down to me & Ibrahim and Colin & Aya, two dancers who were much more experienced than us. I was ready to take second. And then the official called their number. ...What?? I looked at Ibrahim. We WON?? I'd never won anything in ballroom before (nothing that was contested anyway). I honestly didn't think I'd ever win...just final my way through, lol. So this was a big deal.
The Novice final was next. I thought it would be weird if we won the higher level and not the lower one, but it could happen. People trip all the time and mess up.
Nope, we won that one, too. I got to bow twice!
I was floored by these results. Did we look better than I thought? Did everyone else really look worse than us? I needed feedback. I asked Heather and my former coaches for their honest opinions...and they let me know. They were as surprised as we were about the results. Out of the two of us, I seemed to be the weaker link: I looked like I was hanging on Ibrahim sometimes, struggling to keep up with him, moving into his space, looking like I was going to pass out, and my neck was contorted; our movement looked flat and about half the time we weren't in harmony together.
That all brought me back down to earth. They told me not to take the criticism too harshly - enjoy the win - but remember that a placement isn't necessarily an indicator of your dancing. You could do really well and not place and do poorly and win. It all depends on the judges. Sometimes you get lucky and they only see your good moments.
...well, I did ask for their opinions, right?
Watching the videos afterward was painful. I saw everything my friends and coaches saw. Heather was filming and at one point she yelled, "You got this! Almost done!" ...and you could see me bob along with a crooked neck...looking like a dying swan. But somehow we got through and the judges either missed our mistakes or didn't regard them as significant. I really didn't get it. The only explanation anyone, including myself, could come up with was that Ibrahim had a really good frame and large movement (because he's tall). It made him/us stand out.
This competition gave me a lot to think about. I've been enjoying the high of winning, for sure. Even if I don't talk about it, I'll just start smiling and think, "Wow! We did it!" However, there's also a feeling that our win wasn't real...that something was wrong and that's how we got through. Instead of making me feel confident, I now feel like I need to step up my game and prove that I deserve to win. I need to show that I don't look like a dying swan, but a flying one....that this result may have been a fluke, but that doesn't mean the rest will be. It's a tall order and we will have to practice a lot.
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