The tango class took place at a ballet studio. When I looked inside, I had a mixed sensation of feeling at home and nervous at the same time.
The Teacher
The teacher, Rusty, was very friendly and very articulate. He had a the aura of someone with years of experience and who was confident in his knowledge - gained (it seemed) through trial and error. He welcomed me right away. The class felt like a dance "laboratory" or a place of experimentation: you were encouraged to try different techniques to get the desired result. It was different from my other lessons, where the coach told you what to do.
Back to Square One
I stayed for two hours: the foundations class and the intermediate class. The foundations class involved mostly walking with a partner in front of you - a lead and follow exercise - and I felt very secure in this class. As the two hours progressed, though, I became confused, self-conscious, and frustrated. The teacher wouldn't explain anything analytical - his approach was very "right-brained." In fact, he refused to let you process out loud - he just wanted you to do. But I was confused and frustrated for almost the entire second hour, because I didn't know what he wanted me to do...even though everyone else seemed to understand. Even as Rusty explained exercises (using stools he brought out) - "Here's a hallway between the stools. Just walk in the hallways and change weight at every intersection" - I couldn't do it. I didn't get it. I was also frustrated because several of my bad movement habits never left...and he tried to help me correct 4-5 of them during the two hours. I felt like I was learning dance all over again.
My Dance Weaknesses
I have two challenges when it comes to dancing:
1) While I'm great at direct imitation, I'm physically dyslexic when I see mirror images. I become completely confused and don't understand the movement unless I'm familiar with it already. I still get confused when someone dances toward me with a forward cha cha and lock step (something I've seen millions of times), so I usually ignore it, do my own footwork, and hope it matches his.
2) I'm nearly blind to external information, so it can take me a while to understand a dance concept when I have to learn it visually. I recently read a book about strengths and found out that I absorb information "internally": I'm highly sensitive to emotions and interpersonal social behavior. However, when it comes to the details of my physical surroundings...I often miss the obvious. In the past, for instance, a dance teacher couldn't just show me a body rotation; he had to explain it or else it looked no different from what he showed me before.
Given that Rusty had us rely on visual cues in this new learning style for most of the time, it was really hard for me to absorb information. I was mentally exhausted at the end and wanted to go home.
Getting Rid of Rules
Rusty told us to not think about rules. He reminded me of my other teacher, Maja. At one lesson, I appeared really tentative and she asked me what I was afraid of.
"Are you afraid of falling?"
"No, I don't think so."
"Are you afraid of being perfect?"
I was silent.
"Don't worry about being perfect!" she said and went on to reassure me that dancing wasn't about perfection. However, I think the need for perfection is something in me inherently...I don't even know how to consciously fix it.
And here I am, asked to make things imperfect and rule-less again.
Argentine in My Future?
I don't know. I don't feel like it's really me. I've come to enjoy the grace and elegance of Standard and the way the dancers glide across the floor. I like their strong, majestic frames and how their presence is so strong on the floor. Tango is too organic for me, in some ways. The frame is too relaxed and the couple dances too close together...like they're scrunched. They don't glide and it's not as elegant...all my opinion, of course. Yet, any dancing makes me happier than no dancing. And nothing (yoga, photography...even writing) can replace it. So, while it was hard, I think I may go back and try class again.
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