Enneagram 4

Personality tests - what do you think of them? Do you love them and feel like you fit perfectly into definitions or do you think they don't tell you anything because personalities are fluid?

*

My wedding has shaken me up (in a good way) and I am once again at an internal crossroads in my life. I decided to take a personality test to see if any light could be shed on how I operate and which direction I should take. I discovered that I am mostly enneagram 4: "The Individualist - The Sensitive, Withdrawn Type: Expressive, Dramatic, Self-Absorbed, and Temperamental". (Bless Ibrahim for wanting to marry me.) Fours are creative, emotional, and expressive people. They feel like they are fundamentally different from everyone else, both especially talented and especially messed up. They go through life striving to be original and separating themselves from the pack, but yet feel like something is constantly missing. This is because they do not have a stable sense of identity. While trying to be original, they are also lack a a strong self-image foundation. To varying degrees, this is all true for me. However, the question is still, where do I go? What do I do?

*

I've been feeling like my ability to create has been stifled a bit. Ballroom dancing is creative yes, but when you compete, it's almost the same as running a race: you have a routine and you're trying to complete the same basic functions in a more efficient manner. Creativity (for me) comes in during makeup and designing a dress.

*

Our wedding has forced the creative side of me to come out full on. I didn't hire a wedding planner (aside from some help from our venue) and decided to make lots of decisions myself. Frankly, even though I had some dramatic moments, I've enjoyed the process. I've come to be proud of the fact that "Amy" is printed all over this wedding. Even if some of my choices turn out to be mismatched or tacky, they are mine. That originality box has been checked...and I want to do it again. An entire wedding? No. Styling, design, and production? Yes.

*

I've checked out a bunch of self-help resources. I'm honestly terrified of what I'm getting myself into, but I feel like it's a tv show I'm involved in and can't stop watching...I want to learn more and see what happens next. I have lots of ideas and I don't want them to die. Becoming an "artist" might be another tried and failed identity I'm attempting to wear, but I want to try it anyway. I want my own "brand", so to speak, so that when someone looks at it, they see me. An original "Amy".