I just watched a girl tell her mom about a conflict she was having with a part-time job offer and an extracurricular activity. Taking the job would require her to quit a music group she's been a part of for the last two years. However, she needed to start earning an income and get work experience. The girl said, "I don't know what to do." Her mom told her that she was 17 and she wasn't going to tell her what to do - she needed to make her own decisions.
Growing up is hard. Learning to make good choices and bushwhacking a life path for yourself often leaves you confused, frustrated, and defeated. I know some parents prefer to teach by telling their kids to "figure it out yourself" when they make mistakes and get into tough situations. However, I have watched relationships between parents and their children go down the drain because of this philosophy and I'm not surprised. I'm not talking about kids who habitually make bad decisions, don't learn, and then run to their parents to bail them out. They could use some tough love. I'm talking about the ones who are really trying their best to do well. When parents say, "You're on your own," the kids feel abandoned during a time of need. At the very least, when they ask for help like the teenage girl did, it would be great if the parents talked about options, gave some advice, helped them make a plan...you know, gave them tools and taught them how to use them...made them feel like you weren't walking away. Doing this, I think, would prevent a lot of resentment and broken ties in families.
There's that saying about teaching a man to fish so he'll eat for a lifetime. Nowhere in there does it say, "Tell him to figure it out and walk away."
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